From Human A to Humanzee

A comment my buddy left yesterday remind me of this.

This distinguished looking gent to the right is Oliver. Back in the 1970s Oliver gained quite a bit of fame. He supposedly was discovered in the Congo. His strange appearance and habit for walking completely upright led many people to believe that he in fact was half chimpanzee and half human, A Humanzee. As if that didn't make him cool enough, he also met the Monkees on a Japanese TV show.

There was never a definitive answer as to what Oliver was. Some think he was a missing link. Others believe he was half bonobo chimp (smaller super horny chimps who can walk upright).
There is also the chance he was the result of an experiment. Personally I like to believe that he was the result of an epic inter-species West Side Story kind of romance complete with singing and jazzy dance numbers. The Humans would be the Jets and the Chimps would be the Sharks.
Officer Krupke would be played by a Triceratops in a police uniform.

I love any genetic freak like a Humanzee, Liger or Wholphin, and I believe we need some new ones. I would suggest we start working on the following:

The Peliphant - half pelican/half elephant - large bird who eats by grabbing fish with it's massive trunk and flies by flapping it's ears. You don't want it flying over your car.
The Beavocerous - half beaver/half rhino - medium sized aquatic mammal that builds amazing and complex dams, and then smashes the fuck out of them with it's big ass head horn.
The Bullverine - half bull/half wolverine - the most ferocious and dangerous hybrid animal alive! Can cause enough damage to devastate an entire country which will lead to the phrase "Like a Bullverine in a China." Watch out for it's metal claws.
The Thundercat - half cat/half man - human sized creature known for beating up evil and it's love of "Ho"s. The female hybrids are commonly attractive enough to make you uncomfortable.
The Tapler - half tapir/half stapler - the world's most useful and boring animal.


So in conclusion, what the world needs now is humanzee, sweet humanzee. It's the only thing that there's just too little of.



I blacked out for like 20 minutes, what happened?