The 5th Stage of Grief

I case you haven't noticed over there on the right, I have been honored with a very prestigious award. It was bestowed upon me, along with 4 other deserving artists, by my man at blog Portland for excellence in blogging or best blog performance by a mutant. I forget. Anyway I wanted to do a proper acceptance speech, so here goes.

Um. Wow. I totally wasn't expecting this. I wish i had worn something more appropriate than these sensible brown slacks and IZOD shirt. Phew. wow. Ok so first I have to thank Mister McFatty for this amazing honor. I had always figured the only people to ever recognize my work would be mental health professionals.

I want to also thank my mother. Without her insanely over-protective nature and constant worrying, I wouldn't be the complete social cripple that I am today. And of course I have to mention my father for allowing my mom to stunt my mental and emotional growth with very little protest.

I'd like to thank the FCC for restricting free speech on Television and radio. Due to their tireless and pointless efforts, my sexual vocabulary consists of mostly medical terminology which leads to odd looks and awkward situations, such as the time I told a woman in the heat of passion, "I enjoy feeling my testicles collide with your buttocks."

None of his would have been possible either without the Wrangler Jeans company. Thanks to their low quality denim products, and my idiocy, a defining tale was crafted that I will never be able to shake.

Women with low standards, those who encouraged me to post more, Zangief, the Cast of Oz, Eddie Money, the homeless, the homeful and of course Tom Selleck and Ted Danson. Thank you All.

To further show my gratitude I will be posting a story tomorrow that I have previously avoided sharing with the public. The epic tale of the loss of my virginity.