Me: I am working on my rebuttal to your rebuttal.
Lady-Friend: What?
Me: A response to your bread story!
Gal Pal: Think for a minute. Do you think the bread story is the only story I can tell to demonstrate your lack of charm?
Me: Crud...
So with that I am left with the always risky move of talking off the top of my huge head.
I don't drink coffee. Really I am pretty grossed out by coffee. I can not stand the smell of it. I'm not talking about the smell that may fill one's breakfast nook when one is brewing a fresh pot of java. That I can tolerate. I'm referring to the smell that I can not seem to get rid of when I pick up a cup for someone and it spills on my fingers. Then every time I bring my fingers anywhere near my face, which is a lot because I am one of those face touchers, my head jerks back because there is coffee whif on them.
Coffee Fingers are the worst. The smell takes forever to go away, so all day I am forced to encounter the stink of that dirtbag Juan Valdez. I guess I could wash my hands, but I'd have to get up to do that and I doubt there are enough scrubbing bubbles to erase the columbian taint from the tips of my digits.
Coffee ice cream is horrifying. I am fighting the urge to expand on this statement because it would quickly turn into my dissertation. Let's just say I find the coffee flavor in ice cream as appealing as tapeworm flavored ice cream, with real bits of Tapeworm for that extra tapewormy taste.
Tomorrow will be better.
9 comments:
how do you feel about bacon?
here's the thing on the bread story -
Good intentions.
Poor execution.
I love coffee. I love the smell of it, the taste of it, the look of it. I love coffee ice cream. My favorite ice cream flavor, while we're on the subject, is salty carmel. There is nothing else quite like salty ice cream.
Tapeworms are rad.
They, like, eat your food for you after you eat it! yay!
I think you should claim dibs on the tapeworm ice cream idea. Those fat bastards Ben and Jerry will take it and not give you so much as poke in the eye for your trouble.
I must disagree with you. Smokers fingers are the worst. Ugh, I hate the smell of cigarette smoke, it never ever ever goes away.
Coffee is glorious and lovely, and if I could leave Jay to marry coffee, I so would.
are you mad?
the smell of the coffee is almost the best thing about coffee!
sometimes i'll be sucked into the sweetly seductive idea of coffee by the smell alone, only to be bitterly disappointed by the actual taste.
You said taint on your digits....
Where can I get me a tapeworm anyways? I need to lose a few....
I'm a coffee person, so I can't add to this.
But, did anyone else have an image of Molly Shannon's "Superstar" character (from SNL) while reading this?
You know, where she sticks her fingers in her armpits & puts them up to her nose & inhales?
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM coffee ice cream!!
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