1. Regis Philbin is often found walking around asking people if he could borrow some scotch tape. When the person inquires why, Regis flexes and says, "Cause I'm fuckin ripped!"2. Regis Philbin beat a mannequin in a staring contest.
3. Regis Philbin spends his evenings in Yahoo chat rooms under the screen name "emilio_esteves69_4u"
4. Back in the 1980's Regis Philbin had simultaneous naked relations with both the GoGos and the Bangles. Afterwards, he made them fight eachother in his expansive basement using battle axes whilst Bananarama peeled and fed him grapes. Banarama then wrote "Cruel Summer." Coincidence? Yeah right.
5. Regis Philbin invented the mesh t-shirt.
6. Regis Philbin's penis is so long, it has an elbow.
7. Regis Philbin is an Icon in Ireland because he was the first leprechaun to make it big in show business.
8. Regis Philbin had to stop hosting "Who Wants to be a Millionare" because it was interfering with his job coaching an all women's amputee swimteam, The Yonkers Anchors.
9. Every Sunday Regis Philbin and David letterman hold hands and walk through Central Park to chat about their week and observe the foliage.
10. Regis Philbin thinks you are a loser.
3 comments:
He's "emilio_esteves69_4u"?!!!
Oh man, my world has just been turned upside down!
Stop auditioning for Letterman, OK?? You will not be discovered here.
But I am tired of working for Tony Danza! All he wants are jokes about Baked Ziti.
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