Darling it's better down where it's wetter

Pervert.

I'm talking about underwater. I love being underwater. It is one of of my most favorite places to be besides the beach and Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

I love being underwater for several reasons.

1. Super Strength - Much like Aquaman, the water gives me great power. On land I am but a mere mortal, but once I submerge myself I receive the strength of the Mighty Elephant Seal! I can lift objects and fat women I wouldn't even dream of lifting on terra firma.


2. Scenery - You can see some of the most wonderful and amazing of God's creations underwater. Many times I have nearly drowned because I didn't want to resurface and tear my eyes away. I'm talking about asses. When you stick your head underwater you enter a Sea of Ass. The Great Ass Reef! There are buttocks in every direction of all shapes and sizes. I feel like the Jacques Cousteau of Buttcheeks when I am underwater.

3. Protection - When I am underwater I feel safe from the elements of the surface world. If I am in a pool and it starts to rain, I will quickly dive underwater. I know this doesn't make sense to hide from rain underwater, but this doesn't stop me from staring up at the sky in defiance and thinking "HA HA Jesus! Your rain can't get me under here!"

To sum up, you can see I love being underwater because ingesting chlorine gives me dellusions.