The Dumbest Thing I've Ever Done?

If not THE dumbest, this is top 3 at least.

Call me a masochist for reliving this tale for the millionth time, but I do what I can to entertain the 3 of you reading this even though it will end with me weeping and trying to cut my defective brain out with a butter knife.

During my last two years in High School there was a girl who I was totally infatuated with named Christine. She had such a pretty face, an amazing smile (which is my weakness), she smelled awesome all the time, and she had a bodacious track team buttocks (which is my other weakness).

By some benevolent act of God we became pretty good friends during this time, and I spent many an afternoon with my pants around my ankles in my room going buck wild on my pink tic-tac because she hugged me or smiled at me or sneezed and wiped her nose on my Bugle Boy shirt. She had a couple boyfriends, both who I knew, but there was a time where she was single and I often considered not being terrified to ask her out.

One time she actually called me! The thought of that blows my mind to this day, but she turned my brain into lime gelatin every time she talked to me so by the end of the phone call she thought I was blowing her off. This was some serious foreshadowing as to how large of an ass I would turn myself into.

It was the end of Senior year. Everyone had just gotten their Yearbooks and were passing them around for other people to sign. It was second period and Christine and I had exchanged books for eachother to write something in. She wrote something sweet in mine and apparently I had really said something nice in hers too because after she read it she was all over me! My memory is a bit hazy but I thought I wrote, "I really liked walking behind you in the hallway all these years. Please touch my nipples." I could be wrong though.

After class she grabbed my hand. Not even to remove it from her thigh or anything, she just wanted to hold it as we walked to the next class! I was overjoyed and scared to friggin death. One teacher saw us and High- Fived me. It was very surreal, but that could also be because Mini Me, Pepa, Balki, Webster and Ron Jeremy were attending my school.

It was right before lunch on this day that the moment that will live in infamy happened. She was still feeling all nice and awesome and tingly all over from what I had written and she came over to me and said, "Hey Ryan, you want to cut the rest of the day with me and the two of us can hang out together?"

PHWOAR?!!? Did she just ask me that?! Holy Knapsack full of Anthrax she did ask me that!!!

That's what I would have liked to my brain to be thinking at the time. Unfortunately she had caused my brain to melt and run out my ear onto the floor. Without the use of my brain, I was not able to think. Because of this I blurted out,

"Ummm Nahhhhh. We're playing tennis in Gym today and I really want to beat Steve."

.....

brb stabbing myself in the face!

Even though I feel like Im going to vomit, I will continue.
We didn't really talk much again after I said this, the dumbest thing I have ever said. About 10 minutes after I said it I realized what I had done and I banged my head into my locker and could barely eat my Jamaican beef Patty at lunch. I still haven't gotten over it and it was nearly 10 years ago!


I missed out on my only chance to disappoint her with my sexual awkwardness.

To add insult to injury, Steve beat my stupid ass all over the asphalt tennis court.

But hey! Everything worked out for the best. I heard she is married and has a couple of kids, and I have this Blog......

Neat