Random Like Ralph Kramden

I would like to write a comic book about a Homeless Man who gains super powers after eating radioactive garbage. His name would be Trash Bin and he would stand on the street holding a sign that reads "Will Fight Evil For Food." He would have a drinking problem and one of the super villains he would battle would be a giant and super smart Rat created from the same garbage. The rat would be of average human intelligence, but still super smart compared to other rats. Steal this idea and I will cut off your elbows!

Tiger Woods has eyes like a ventriloquist dummy.

Everytime I go to the gym (3 times a year) there is this one dude who is always screaming like a wounded buffalo while he is lifting weights. Every time he does it I wonder what kind of noise he would make if I ran over and kicked him in the nuts while he was doing a squat.

How come I can blow all over a birthday cake and everyone has a piece, but if I drink out of someone's straw they need a new one.

I dislike MTV for many reasons these days(lack of videos and the bastardization of the Video Music Awards), but the latest came yesterday as I was watching what passes for TRL now and they somehow managed to make me nostalgic for the good ol' days of Carson Daly. Fuckers.

My gang name is Cookie Puss

The only thing that makes me feel better than helping some one less fortunate than I am is realizing there is someone less fortunate than I am.

For some reason I love cover songs. Some of my current favorites are:
No Use For A Name - Enjoy the Silence (Depeche Mode Cover)
Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Hello (Nicole Ritchie's Dad Cover)
Metallica - Astronomy (Blue Oyster Cult.... I think)
Franz Ferdinand - What you Waiting For (Gwen Stefani Cover)
And my all time favorite - The Foo Fighters - Baker Street ( Gerry Rafferty Cover)

Any time I put useless info in my blog about myself and things I like I feel like a complete double douchebag.

The hottest women on television are on the news.

Most volunteer jobs are ones you normally couldn't pay most people enough money to do.

My birthday is quickly approaching. I am ready for it this time. I am going to hide in my closet and when the scumbag shows up I'm going to throw a potato sack over his head and beat him with a Nok Hockey stick until he agrees to never visit me again.