Over a year ago I attempted to cleanse myself of evil and guilt by dragging my dirty lies out into public for all to see. I also vowed that I would attempt to curtail my fibbing, as I had learned that it was wrong. Who knew?
Things did not go as well as they could have. However I will once again relieve myself of the burden of deceit by confessing to you what I said/what I meant.
I'm going to try to not lie so much.
I'm lying right now.
I love you, but she is pretty fucking hot.
I ordered it last week. I don't know why it hasn't gotten here yet.
I only remembered this morning it was your birthday and couldn't be bothered to go to the store, so I ordered it 15 minutes ago.
I don't even know how to take pictures off someone's webcam!
I may need a bigger hard drive after this.
I'll eat whatever you put in front of me.
I will eat whatever you put in front of me, as long as it's not fruit, vegetable, fish, soup, stew, has no brown sauce on it, has no mayo on it, or wasn't invented by Indians.
Not really, but it's thick.
The first part is actually true.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I know exactly what you are talking about, but I hope if I play dumb you will stop yelling.
No, I don't know where the cookies went. I didn't even have any.
I know where they went. I untucked my shirt to hide the bloating caused by an entire package of Nutter Butters.
Oh yeah. Getting an apartment together would be very cool.
HELP!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!! EJECT!!! EJECT DAMN IT!
8 comments:
Do you mean Indian food? Cause then you're just not having the right stuff, cooked the right way.
& now I'm off to order the raw agave I just remembered I forgot to order. (that I told my friend I ordered last week).
Selected non-committal grunts and groans should be explanation enough for any circumstance.
HAHA! Funny.
Yay for nutter butters.
i have no idea what nutter butters are, but they sound as though they may be filled with a creamy layer of saturated fat.
when did you think that last one?
the one about the Moving In Together?
you sound slightly panicked.
slightly.
RYAN!!! Maybe you can't help it because your name rhymes with lyin'?
I don't know...I've been out of the loop for awhile...yeah..ok...I'll go now...
no chicken vindaloo? fried zucchini?
I will pass on all Indian Food. This is correct. I honestly haven't been exposed to much of it, but with how ridiculously picky I am, I figure why even bother.
The last lie about moving in together happened many moons ago. If I ever found myself in a similar situation again now, I wouldn't lie. I would probably just start running.
I hope your girlfriend puts your balls in a vice for this one!
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