G'day Mate

I figured I'd do a google search for "sedated gorilla" and see what came up. Besides this adorable picture, this is what all the top entries were about...

Australian zookeepers refuse to masturbate sedated gorilla

Being a sedated gorilla myself, I've had similar problems in the past. What the gorilla needs to do is:

1. Take the zookeeper out to a nice meal, maybe get her a Moons over My Hammy.
2. During the evening he needs to act like he is paying attention when the zookeeper is rambling on about work and how all the other zookeepers there are bitches and/or sluts who look fat in their zookeeper shorts.
3. Then, most importantly, when the action is about to start the pent up ape would be wise to push the zookeepers hand away, telling them that first you want them to know how special they are to him. This is a sure fire way for my simian pal to get an Olivia Newton John caliber hand jive.

I believe if it does happen, you will see it on The Crocodile Hunter Gone Wild DVD. It would fit nicely between the scene where Steve Irwin fingerbangs a Koala and the one where he Pouchfucks a wallaby. That was vile. I apologize, but not really because pouchfucks is making me laugh.

This makes me think. Is it really masturbating when someone else is doing it for you? I think they call it that because it sounds more professional than "Australian zookeepers refuse to give sedated gorilla a Hand Job."

Anyway, I'm glad I read this while I still have time to get a refund on my flight to Sydney. It's totally Zbornac. Maybe the people of Chile will be more willing to lend a hand.... GET IT?! HAND?!

ugh

R.I.P. Nick and Jessica