I just finished shaving at the office. This is the first time I have ever done it. I am really lazy with shaving because it irritates me and I'm lazy about everything in general. There is a big lunch event today and I was told I am to participate in it in a greater capacity than walking in every 10 minutes to take free food, so I had to make myself look presentable.
My question is, Why didn't anyone tell me it was Take a Dump at Work Day today? I swear right before I go in there no less than 3 people commit what I can only describe as a crime against nature in the bathroom, leaving me woozy from the fumes as I try not to butcher myself. Iran should be recruiting from my office. I failed to get out of there unscathed of course. I did a Sweeney Todd number on myself and am currently three-quarters of the way to mummification with all thepaper on my face holding back what little blood I have left.
Just thought I'd update everyone.
come together, right now (literally)
3 years ago
20 comments:
Yuck, yuck, yuck
I'm kind of glad I don't have to shave my face. Sounds like a pain in the ass.
But, why at work? Don't you have a bathroom at home? Just asking. :-)
The Demon Barber indeed....
If you're going to shave at work, do it in the janitor's closet. There's a bigass sink...and after you're done, you can wipe yourself off with the mop.
at least there wasn't a lot squishing noises and grunting.
Ewwwww. Why can't folks poo at home?
Um, hello, when they have free food at work, everyone gorges themselves like crazy,thus making them shit everywhere.
Hey Ryan, ummm...que paso?
Holy crap. I think the shit got him. He's not coming back, is he?
You should've started screaming, "Ever heard of a courtesy flush motherfuckers!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
This, of course, naturally leads to my holiday greeting. Happy Xmas Ryan! And have a merry New Year!
Oh yeah, how was Canada bro?
Shaving blows. If I can ever afford electrolysis, my face is the second thing to get it, right after my abnormally bushy grundle.
Oh, and don't listen to these pushers. Blog when you feel like it.
You're on a trip, aren't you? Lucky bastard! Hope your Christmas was merry and that your New Year is happy!
XOXO
That IT! Where the hell are you, Ryan? Hmmm?
Are you ever coming back?
RYYYYAAAANNNNNN!!! Come back to us...please? XOXO
Ryan, don't make me stalk you again! I know you are back from the socialist wasteland that is Canada, so get your shit together and write me something funny! You heard me, mister!
Ryan, stop teasing us with a post and then disappear for years!
Ryan, you suck! i'm taking you off my ramblings list! Grrr!
Wait.... gorillas shave? So, you just have a clean shaven face, but then all that fur everywhere else?
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