I got nothin' today, but I need to make this a habit again. I'd like to mention that someone in my office brought in cookies his wife made and they are so good that I want to have an affair with her now.
If you read my previous post, then you know that I was looking for an exotic locale to bounce off to now that I have a passport. Over the weekend I researched some of my ideas and came up with a whole mess of bad news.
Italy is not an option for me due to an incident involving some inappropriate letters I may or may not have sent to Food Network personality Giada DeLaurentis. Had I known she possessed the power to ban me from Italy, I would have aimed my lust at Paula Dean.
I am choosing not to go to South Africa because I remembered that 20 years ago I said I ain't gonna play Sun City and I meant it.
Unfortunately I have to avoid Japan due to having a small but rabid cult following in the land of the rising sun as a result of a video of a 3rd grade play I starred in becoming a cultural phenomenon there. It was Peter Pan and I was Indian # 4. When it came time for me to speak my lines, I started to weep and then unfortunately urinated all over myself. In Japan this clip is used in a variety of commercials, including one for Joy Joy brand Seaweed cakes. "Yellow Boy pants cries when he doesn't have Joy Joy Seaweed cakes. Don't be like Yellow Boy Pants! JOY JOY!"
I thought I could handle the Galapagos, but even after over a decade of therapy I can't get past being viciously assaulted by a Giant Tortoise while at the Staten Island Zoo. The nightmares never end.
Most of the places with funny names don't have airports. I'd have to fly in to a neighboring country, then ride over the border on some kind of pack animal. My supple buttocks can not handle the rigors of a long journey on the back of an alpaca.
So there you have it. All these things combined with the fact that my vacation time starts in 9 days leaves me with really only one unfortunate option...
Oh Canada.
I know. I know. I like maple syrup though, and ummm maybe I'll get to see Rick Moranis. He was in Ghostbusters you know, and that was a great movie.
One time my aunt met Bill Murray on the street and he gave her noogies.
...
come together, right now (literally)
3 years ago
14 comments:
I hear the chicks at some strip club in Montreal are really hot (and kind of easy). At least that's what a guy told me after he went there for a bachelor party about 5 years ago.
Noogies? Like when you put someone in a head lock and rough them up? Bill Murray sounds like a bad ass.
diane - I hear nice things about Montreal too. My work wife's actual husband had his bachelor party there. I'm sure she will be happy to know this.
EAP - Yes exactly like that. One of the highlights of her life, and who can blame her.
as a person with two passports, I can't believe that you are just getting one now. Crazy. Also, there are so many places to go. You should go country hopping in Europe or something to get that passport well loved.
You're nuts. Its cold and snowy here. Unless you're coming here to do some serious tobogganing or maybe pick up easy west coast hippy girls, it doesnt sound like much of a vacation to me. At least the dollar is down... you wont get too hosed on your maple syrup purchases.
P.S. Diane is right. Montreal chicks are also easy. So are Maritime girls, Ontario girls, Prairie girls, West coast girls and the women of Nunavut and Yukon. There are no women in the barren wasteland that is the Northwest Territories. Can you blame us?
my boyfriend says the strip clubs in canada suck (although i think he has only been to one in calgary several hundred times). he says you can't get close to the girls at all. you have to throw coins at them and knock other coins off their bodies or something. whereas, in houston, you can fingerblast one for a big mac or a 5-pack of huggies.
Well if you don't like Canada and you're looking for a whole new, weird country, there's always Texas.
haha. . .effortlessly average. . .texas. . .
But, yeah, Canada is pretty damn cool. At least Toronto is. Very nice city.
Try Iraq. I hear it's lovely this time of year.
I did a post special for you today about travel ideas. :)
May I recommend Greece and/or Turkey and/or Egypt.
I loved all three and the women in each place had very a significant cleavage factor.
Canada, Ryan? Seriously? Jeez...
And in Honey I blew up the kid.
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