I just finished shaving at the office. This is the first time I have ever done it. I am really lazy with shaving because it irritates me and I'm lazy about everything in general. There is a big lunch event today and I was told I am to participate in it in a greater capacity than walking in every 10 minutes to take free food, so I had to make myself look presentable.
My question is, Why didn't anyone tell me it was Take a Dump at Work Day today? I swear right before I go in there no less than 3 people commit what I can only describe as a crime against nature in the bathroom, leaving me woozy from the fumes as I try not to butcher myself. Iran should be recruiting from my office. I failed to get out of there unscathed of course. I did a Sweeney Todd number on myself and am currently three-quarters of the way to mummification with all thepaper on my face holding back what little blood I have left.
Just thought I'd update everyone.
Time’s Person of the Year 2017
5 months ago