Monday, October 31


When I was younger Halloween was my favorite holiday. Not only did I get to dress up and act like a mental patient, but I got all kinds of candy for it. Actually a costume covering the face was pretty mandatory around here. If any of the neighbors recognized us as the kids who put smoke bombs in their mailbox, broke the windows of their attic and threw acorns/apples/chestnuts/itchy balls/rocks/snowballs/fireworks at them, we would have all wound up screaming and spitting out bloody razor blades.

Sadly, once I hit my teens the Halloween experience started to change. Don't get me wrong. I was all for the shaving cream and egg hijinx that went on as I got older, but the quality of my costumes began to sharply decline. I wound up with some of the most pathetic costumes ever.These included:

A Not at all scary Jason - Laziness was a big problem for my costumes when I got older. The first example of this was when I went trick or treating with just a hockey mask over my face. I didn't even bother to change the clothes I had worn to school earlier in the day. Somehow people weren't scared by a 5'1" tall kid in a hockey mask wearing Wranglers and a Bugle Boy shirt.

A WWI Veteran/Alien - Again, pure laziness here. I had this old Gas Mask from WWI that my neighbor had given me. It had a tube from the nose part hangin down to a canister of air. It looked like I had a trunk. As with the previous "costume" I just stuck this on my head and walked around in my normal clothes, but this time I spiced it up a bit! And I put this strange looking eye that I got for 50 cents at the drug store on the forehead. I didn't get much candy that year as the Gas Mask Wearing Alien in Dockers.

The Headless Trick or Treater - This was the ultimate low point in my Halloween history and a highpoint in the vast history of my laziness. I am ashamed to even talk about it. I didn't buy any kind of costume. I didn't make any effort at all. All I did was pull my oh so cool Starter Jacket up over my head when I got to someone's door, and then after they went back in I would pull it down until the next house. I want to lay down in traffic every time I think about it.

After those three I pretty much stopped dressing up for Halloween . I'd like to get back into the Halloween spirit, but I don't have the most festive group of friends around here. But when I do dress up for Halloween again, I will put thought and effort into long as I get some some fuckin Kit Kats

Sunday, October 30

Who Lives in a Pineapple Under the Sea?

I do!

Yesterday afternoon I had my very first acting gig. Rather than going for some played out crap like Tennessee Williams or Shakespeare, I went with the cutting edge role of Spongebob Squarepants.

My cousin is a chiropractor and to promote her practice they set up a table at a street fair in garden City, Long Island. I said I would be more than happy to don the persona of the sponged one and attract all kinds of crowds to the table.

All in all I'd grade my performance as an A+.
1. My waving was stunning.
2. I gave out balloons like a champ.
3. I was incredibly huggable .
4. I had dance moves that would have made Michael Jackson say "Dayum Nigga!"
5. I developed an amazing combo move which was a high five followed by a low five and then an awe-inspiring Thumbs up for a finisher.

Some of the highlights included:
-I was hugged by many kids, a few moms, and one overly enthusiastic 17 year old dude
-Everyone in the homecoming parade cheered at me as they went by.
-Two words...Hot MILFs
-A kid shouting, "Spongebob has hairy arms!"
-I will be appearing in roughly 35 photo albums in the near future
-When I was out of costume one kid asked me if I played Spongebob on TV
-Being asked if Spongebob is gay

I had a really good time. It's probably because I am an attention whore and I have never been so popular in my life as I was yesterday.

Pictures soon

Friday, October 28

The Greatest Song Ever This Week

I've come to the conclusion that throughout the entire history of music, from cavemen slamming bones on a log, to piano playing Europeans in powdered wigs, to unnecessarily mopey guys with eyemakeup, there has never been a more incredible collection of musical notes than:

Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money featuring Ronnie Specter

(Killer synths + teeth shaking guitar + some sexy saxaphone action) x 2 heavenly vocals = Musical Orgasm

For a guy who looked like a drunken vagrant, Eddie Money had some ace tunes.

I challenge anyone to debate this!

Weekend of the Living Dead

Today I originally had plans to attend what seems like a very bizarre and somewhat depressing event. My uncle is an autograph collector (an impressive one at that) and had asked if I wanted to go to an autograph show with him.

The plans fell through, and as a result I won't be going. When I saw the amazing list of "celebrities" that are going to be there, I have to say I got very depressed that I wasn't going.

Check this out:

I know what you're thinking
"Dude how the crap can you not go to this! BUD FUCKING BUNDY is going to be there!!"

Since we are so close I am going to be honest with you. I'm extremely intimidated and downright terrified of meeting some of these people. No, not because I think they may mug me for spare change (besides Tonya Harding anyway), but because some of these people are icons of my childhood.

If I saw Faceman and Murdock from the A-team in person I might burst into tears and start hugging them uncontrollably. And being the staunch heterosexual that Dirk Bennedict obviously is, I might receive some kind of secret military death chop for my gaylord-like outburst.

Coming face to face with the dude who played Atreyu in The Neverending story would most likely cause me to burst out into my rendition of said movie's theme song. This would turn into a full fledged concert when I forced Nikolai Volkoff to sing the National Anthem of the Soviet Union with me.

But yeah, I'm not going now. It's kind of sad, but I can deal with because I know that this won't my last chance to score with Buffy the Vampire Slayer's mom. Fingers Crossed!