It's time to make a change. Gonna make a difference. Gonna make it right! Err.. anyway, I think what I need to make life awesome like it was when I was 8, is something to believe in again. I need to fill that hole that my father jackhammered into my soul, so many years ago.I need some faith, faith in something powerful and unknown, something mysterious. But whatever shall I choose to believe in?
Here are my options:
God - I tried this for the first chunk of my life. That is to say, I was told to
try this until I was 13. After my Confirmation, my father told me he wouldn't force me to go to church on Sunday any more, so I cashed out at the party and headed off into the sacrilege sunset. While many people do get a lot from their belief in God, I am not a fan of his methods. If you want something from Santa, he will get it for you as long as you have been a good person for the past year which doesn't seem like much to ask, and it benefits society. Now I could start praying to God for a Man Groomer or a Salted Meats Gift Basket, but odds are he won't think that kind of prayer is worthy of answering. God has a very poor return rate on requests. That's why whenever he finally does answer one, people will freak out and start building shrines.. It's customer service so poor that you rarely see it outside of a Verizon store. I will have to continue to pass on God.
Ghosts - Right of the bat, ghosts are not looking too good to me as a choice. First of all they are just boring people like the rest of us. My grandfather couldn't be bothered to fly up from Florida for my graduation so I doubt he would be willing to do anything for me now either. Second, they are inconsiderate. They know they scare the hell out of us living folk, but do they make any effort to be a bit less likely to make me wet my sheets? Nope! Maybe instead of showing up at night all the time when it's much scarier and I am trying to sleep, you could come around at like Noon on a Saturday. And knock first before you come floating into my room. Just because you were murdered in my home 30 years ago doesn't mean you forever retain the right to come barging into my bedroom wailing away when you know damn well I have a very full self-abuse schedule! Fuck you ghost!
Aliens - I don't have any immediate aversion to believing in an Outer Spaceman. They would undoubtedly have all kinds of futuristic technology to give me, like white tomato sauce that won't show as much when I spill it on my white shirt that I always seems to be wearing when I have Italian food. Or maybe something that lets me change the channel with my mind because using the remote for too long makes me winded. I would have no idea how to communicate any requests with them though, and there seems to be no solid evidence of them ever responding to those who believe in them. It's a tough call. Perhaps if I stuck with it for a while and held steady in my beliefs, they would reward me with an acting career and a cure for my homosexuality. This feels like a maybe.
This is a lot to digest, and I have more options in my head. Feel free to chime in with your beliefs. To be continued...







