Thursday, January 21

Things I wish I Said

We all have had countless moments in our lives where, due to nerves, not thinking quick enough on our feet or just plain stupidity, we have failed to say the right thing. This realization can come much later on, or before a sentence is finished escaping from your dumbass mouth. Lately (lets say the past 18 years or so) I have been thinking about this quite a bit.This is a list of things I should have said instead.

"No. I think that is an awful idea."
"I have no clue where we are. let's ask someone."
"I enjoy both your personality and looks. What say you and I go on a date?"
"That's definitely a guy."
"I think we should take this FAST."
"I didn't want to be on your stupid team anyway!"
"Sorry. I don't pork and tell."
"I may have four eyes, but I heard you have two dads!"
"I don't care if we can get a whole barrel for 5 dollars, they smell like a nursing home."
"Who the hell are Edward and Jacob?"
"That's not my bike. it's my sister's."
"Yes I do. You just never met her."
"Of course I was joking. Why would I invite you over to watch me play Warcraft?"
"No. That does not turn me on"
"Seriously, if you put your finger in there again I will snap it off"
"I just wanted to tell you before it was too late that we appreciate everything you have done for us, and you were awesome in The Outsiders."

I feel somewhat cleansed, and fully depressed.

5 comments:

Jay Ferris said...

I think what makes things even worse is that half of these conversations were with your mother.

Crystal said...

DOH! Jay just brought your mom into this! BURN!

the projectivist said...

Can you smell something burning?

Marla Wilson said...

Sometimes you can be married but still feel like a single parent...!!
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Crystal said...

"I got you some big thigh socks."