Friday, November 30

You went to Bulwhereia?

Today, after much production, I will finally be in possession of a U.S. Passport. I know have my ticket to the world, and also a reason to use amazing words like traverse, circumnavigate and gallivant.

Now I just have to figure out where I will sail off to. I have a few places in mind. Let's discuss, shall we?

Italy - This is a pretty obvious choice, but a good one none the less. I love all that history crap and would stand in the Colosseum and pantomime a life and death, bare handed battle with a christian hungry lion. Also, my excessive body hair wouldn't be completely appalling to the local women. I also imagine Italy has to have one of the highest levels of cleavage per capita. They are definitely top 3 in GNC (Gross National Cleavage).

South Africa - Among the numerous other childhood traits I have managed to hold on to with a death grip lies a love for animals. In my head, venturing to South Africa would be like watching a National Geographic special except with the possibility that my TV could take my arm off. I'm pretty sure they have big wildlife reserves one could tool around in with a jeep and a guide. I can't be bothered to look it up right now. The highlight though would be going to see those Great White sharks that jump out of the water when they attack seals. The idea that a monster shark has decided it wasn't satisfied with scaring the crap out of everything in the water, and now wants to try his hand in the atmosphere is both awesome and terrifying. It's like a machine gun that can not only wound you with it's bullets, but also a cruel and biting remark about how your one true love left you for a man with a nicer lawn. SO yeah. That would rock.

Galapagos Islands - I would choose to go here because it is very remote, exotic, historically significant, and if I chickened out of South Africa and wanted to see amazing wildlife that wouldn't wind up with my femur lodged between their teeth..

Japan - The cultural difference between Japan and the U.S. would be a big reason for me to circumnavigate the earth and wind up there. It's something I would love to get waist deep in. I would go to a sumo match, attend a zany Japanese game show that involves any of the following: infliction of bodily harm for prizes, a hedgehog, or Bob Sapp. I had a Japanese exchange student at my house when I was in 8th grade, so maybe I would look him up. I'm comin for you Yuji! I would try to bone up on my Japanese beforehand so I could tell jokes to their tiny women and get them to put their hand over their mouth and giggle.

Lichtenstein - So I could have people say "Huh?" when they asked where I was going. This also applies to Azerbaijan, Chad, The Faroe Islands, Swaziland and of course, Djibouti.

I'm not married to any of these, so feel free to select an international destination I should be gallivanting off to. No loser places like Canada please.

10 comments:

Diane said...

One note on the Galapagos, besides that it is a place everyone should see - Hammerhead Sharks that eat the otherwise friendly and unmolested sea lions.

I have travelled a fair amount, and in the last few years have checked Costa Rica, the Galapagos, the Amazon and Belize off my list (and recommend them all) but I would still like to see Botswana and New Zealand/Tasmania . . .

Sassy Blondie said...

RYAN!!

Italy-Depending on when you go, it can be overwhelmingly crowded but always fun. History, art, culture, and the FOOD! Can't miss here!

South Africa-I have never been, but I have an unnatural fear of sharks. Don't lose a leg, k?

Galapagos Islands-Never been there either, but it's on my list of places to visit before I die. I want to see that big ass lizard!

Japan-I LOVE Japan! It's busy and tidy and I love the food there too. If you do go, don't miss Kyoto, which is more or less the entertainment capitol there.

I concur with Costa Rica, and I'm planning a trip there summer of
'09. Brush up on your Spanish though.

I also want to recommend New Zealand and Australia.

Christie said...

I have one question? Do you like spiders? And I don't mean daddy long legs or little dime size spiders either. I mean, plate size spiders that don't even bother with a wimpy ass web because they are like so fucking fast. If your answer is "NO WAY IN HELL" then I suggest skipping the Galapagos Islands. Because that is the kind of spiders they have there.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Italy is overrated. They don't have a Pizza Hut anywhere in that fucking country.

M-M-M-Mishy said...

Dont waste your passport on Canada. Its cold and snowy and even if we are also in the top 3 countries for GNC (its true), us ladies are bundled up in bulky coats and scarves. However, your excessive body hair would serve keep you warm during the night.

You should go to Japan and bunk with Yuji like old times. No hotel costs and if you tell him a joke that is funny enough, he might just put his hand over his mouth and giggle for you.

v said...

lol@Bob Sapp

I just saw a Globe Trekker on the Galapagos Islands and it seemed far more doable that I imagined. However the correspondent did have to pseudo-hitchhike on a sailboat or two to get to the islands (or travel between them). So if you pick the Galapagos, umm, do the research ... or just ask Diane, lol.

Have a great trip! And take lots of photographs!

Scary Monster said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scary Monster said...

Me hears that Brooklyn be a good place to visit, but ya better be prepared fer the journey. The natives aren't very friendly and the wildlife be dangerous.

STOIMP.

Em said...

Those all sound like awesome choices. I absolutely loved Italy. . .but Galapagos. . .that would be an adventure.

D-HOR said...

Lichtenstein - I did an 8th grade report on that country. Cuz it was the smallest.

ok and AHAHAHHAAHAHAH you crack me up with the whole South-Africa-would be like watching t.v. with the possibility of taking your-arm-off-thing. That really made me laugh.

But yeah since your sort of a guy-hor don't go there or you're gonna come back with Aids. Just sayin.

I've always wanted to go to Ireland. Why? Hell if I know.