During my hiatus from this dump a few noteworthy happenings and doings transpired. I mean to go over them in great detail at some point for your viewing pleasure, but for now I will discuss something that affected me deeply. It was a life altering event and I won't ever be the same person again after experiencing it.
On an unseasonably warm day back in the month many people refer to as October, I exited my abode and set out for the local delicatessan to procure myself a pound of roast beef crammed between two pieces of Italian bread.
I squinted as the bright sun smothered my face, and I thought about how much I was enjoying Jocktober. I was calling it Jocktober because I decided that every day I would wake up and listen to a different Jock Jams CD. Seeing as how I had Volumes 1 through 7, I put myself on a weekly rotation. My theory was that this music would get me pumped up and energized, making myself a happier and more productive person who would be a beast on the raquetball courts.
Anyway, as Gary glittered in my head, the most amazing/bizarre thing ever came into view.
You are not seeing things, and I did not do this in photoshop. That is a giant Merman on the hood of someone's car. I know it looks like a topless Mermaid, but trust me, those are just very shapely pecs. It is very sparkly, very big and probably the gayest thing I have ever seen.
I apologize for the less than stellar photo, but my mind was reelign from the sheer wonder of this discovery and alsothe fear that the owner of the car would catch me taking pictures and beat me sensless with a bag of pixie dust. They'd have to be mental. And gay, and probably a keebler elf. Part of me wishes I staked out the area to see who would show up to drive off in this masterpiece because you don't often get a chance to see a unicorn drive.
I manage to slowly begin to walk away from the hood. There was a leopard print line running along the side doors of the car to the back.
The back didn't disappoint either.
Not only is that an american flag on the trunk, it is an American flag made entirely out of painted seashells glued on to the car!!! Fucking staggering.
I'm just now realizing I can see the license plate number in this picture. My uncle is a cop. I'm going to have him run the plates on this bastard and find out who owns it. I am worried they might arrest the guy and charge him with several counts of Criminal Bad Taste or Indecent Exposure of an Androgenous Mystical Creature. An IEAMC can get you 7 years.
8 comments:
I think your uncle should bust this homo for compromising our freedoms. What those freedoms are, I'm not sure. But still.
The one hate crime I think we can all get behind . . . hating those with cars decorated in exceedingly bad taste.
The merman juxtaposed with the American Flag can only mean one thing - Log Cabin Republican
That's awesome!! I'm totally going to glue some fake leaves all over my car so that I'm camouflaged.
That certainly is a lot of effort put into a 1989 Buick Regal. The leopard print bumper is kind of turning me on though...
A gay Keebler elf brandishing pixie dust...there's an image that won't soon leave my mind!
Ryan, is that really your car? Is that where you've been all this time? Creating this piece of..er..art?
I still love you, don't get me wrong, but this ultimate driving machine really makes me wonder if you are off your meds...
XOXO
It takes a certain kind of man to drive a merman-o-bile. I would have tried to rip off one of those shells as a momento.
Unrelated: What size mittens would you like? And what color? Porny or plain?
That is just horrible. Did you know they have a parade every year of freaks that decorate their car? I watched it on the Discovery Channel.
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