By the time you read this, I might be dead.

It's true. Here's why.

As anyone who has known me for more then 5 seconds knows, I fall under the classification of "Worrier." I worry about any and every thing you could imagine, such as the fact that my fingers are the size of a 12 year-old's or that the shirt I am wearing makes it look like I have A-Cups.

Strangely enough, the things I never really work myself up over are medical related issues. I have to feel seriously out of or be in a great deal of pain for me to give up the "It will be better after I sleep a while" treatment plan I subscribe to.

Now it isn't one of those situations where I don't want to go to the doctor because I am afraid I will find out I have something horrible. I would be upset if this happened, but I'm sick and think I would enjoy the free sympathy and excuse to not work and be a complete bum.

But yeah, I usually try to tough it out and trust my immune system to repair any damage I have done by eating a donut I dropped on the floor of the Port Authority Bus Terminal, or lifting heavy objects whilst trying to build myself a fort.

There is something that is threatening to ruin my toughness in the medical zone though. Something evil and very powerful that is snaking it's way into my brain. Something called... WebMD.

As I am sure most of you know, if you feel like crap and go to www.webmd.com, you can enter in your symptoms and in seconds you will find out that you could have one of possibly hundreds of horrible diseases and conditions.

So today I decided to visit WebMD because since 5PM yesterday I have had this really strange dizzy feeling that I can't seem to shake. Usually standing up and physically shaking until I feel better works, but it only exacerbates my current problem.

I entered in my symptoms and found out that I could possibly be suffering from some of the following conditions:

Brain Tumor
Leukemia
Pulmonary Adema
Cerebral Thrombosis
Acute Aural Hydroplosion
Swimmer's Ear
Posterior Cerebral Tightness
A Sprained Skull
Jeff's Syndrome
Prolonged Transformation into Robot

With millions of people using this website to self diagnose themselves, it's no fucking wonder I can't get a god damn doctor's appointment today. There are probably legions of people flocking to doctor's offices every day because they saw on the Internet that their tummy hurts because their body is rejecting a liver transplant they never had.

I won't even get into the fact that every time I call a doctor's office they won't give me an appointment today because I am a new patient, and then before they tell me when I can be seen, they have to find out what my insurance is. It's enough to make Canada look attractive (The buckets of free sex they give out up there doesn't hurt either).

So yeah. I'm dizzy and slowly dying of a variety of horrible things. How are you doing?