If you read my previous post, you would know now my fascination with men hollering at women walking down the street, and my desire to participate in it. This morning I found some time to jump on in to this swimming pool of public lechery.
I walked a few blocks away from my office to avoid any of my co-workers witnessing me embarrassing myself. I found what looked like a nice comfortable spot on the side of a building, leaned up against it in a happening "Fonzie next to the jukebox"kind of manner and waited.Admittedly at this point I am nervous as all get out. I wanted to give up and abandon the whole science project. Women kept walking by and all I could manage was my creepy "I'm checking you for obvious pantylines" stare. (Mad Props to Jessica for the OPL)
After about ten minutes I decided I had to dig deep, real deep, and find some testicles. So I removed my imaginary shovel from it's corinthian leather case and got to work.
An average looking white female with huge sunglasses walked by....
"Lookin good girl," feebly fell out of my mouth. I am not even positive she heard it because I think I was saying it into my armpit. However, it was a vocalization in the general direction of a lady. Confidence rising!
A tall Mediterranean looking girl in a billowy summer dress strutted by...
"You are one tall margarita." As soon as this left my mouth I realized I should have planned out what to say beforehand. I don't even know what this means. She didn't have salt around her head. HOWEVER, I'm pretty sure her head dropped forward with laughter. It could have also been fear and disgust, but I'm feeling optimistic today. Confidence rising!!A short blond broad in capri pants and some kind of tank top deal ambled by...
"Yeeeaaah! You know what time it is girl." This was not good. The girl stopped and looked at me. I was not prepared for this. I tried as hard as I could at this moment, but I could not seem to push myself through the wall of the building to escape like Shadowcat. As I stood there paralyzed and trying to hold back a wave of bodily fluids from flooding out of me she said, "I'm sorry did you say something?"
"Uhhhhh. Just ... uhhhhh... what time is it?" This was all i could muster under such duress. She gave me the time and walked off. I pointed myself in the opposite direction and racewalked back to my office in shame.
Confidence depleted.
This was not as fun as I had anticipated. I do intend to at least make one more go of it when the wounds heal. I am an emotional hemophiliac though.
8 comments:
Its just going to take a few more days of practice, and don't forget you can always just say "HEY" and when she looks, grab the air like you were grabbing her boobs yell "HONK HONK"
You've got to dress all crazy to make this work. Make sure that every woman who walks by has no choice but to look at you. Once you've got that initial eye contact you are so in.
Ha! Not a bad outing.
But seriously, it's all in the lines man! You need the right lines, as well as follow ups and stuff. And how about gettin' some digits next time, yo.
And because I'm so helpful, here are some lines to get you started:
"Girl you must be tired ... because you've been running through my mind all day."
"All those curves and me with no brakes."
"Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!"
You're welcome.
you need a cast or something to put on your arm
You've got to aim lower, my friend. Much lower. The women you're verbally molesting are so used to it your words will fall out of their metaphoical vaginas if they manage to hear it.
Find the fattest, smelliest, chuck roast of a gal you can. You tell that slab of ugly that you'd like to "Butter her bread" (really anything will do) and you might even get laid. Once you get through the minor leagues, you'll be making women hate themselves with the big boys in no time.
Not surprising to me at all, Becky's got good taste in blogs. I've been enjoying the hell outta yours.
-Becky's friend Kelly
my eyes are welling with tears. you are too funny.
Try this one:
"Daaaammnn girl! You're even hotter than my sister!"
Gets 'em every time.
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