Thursday, June 21

The Long and Shorts of It

Amazingly enough, during the year or so that I didn't post here, one or two interesting things happened to me. They were all painful or embarrassing, but if I can get a good blog post out of it, all the shame was worth it.

One such tale doth begin way back in the Summer of '06. The kids were hitting the beaches and Wyclef was informing us that Colombian hips are completely honest. I was working in an office in midtown Manhattan where I do office work.

One day an attractive young college student showed up to help on some project that was near completion. If I had to paint a picture of her with words I would say she was one tall margarita with a short but full and bouncy auburn colored hairdo, an adorable face you just want to bite off and skin the color of skim milk.

Now we would all assume I'd be a nervous and mostly silent oaf as she worked in the same room as I did. However, this day I was feeling kinda jazzy my friends and I whipped myself up into a human tornado of humor, charm and sultry facial expressions. Confidence Rising! I learned much of this young lass. Her name was Rebecca. Rebecca was from Ohio. Rebecca was currently not in Ohio because she was studying fashion in New York City. Keep this last tidbit on the surface of your brain.

As the hours rolled by and the number of laughs and smiles I drew out of her grew, I became emboldened! By quitting time I had not only gotten her digits, but we had already made tentative plans to hang out the coming weekend.

Confidence Explosion!

We time travel ahead to Saturday. Around noonish I speak to Rebecca via cellular phone and she tells me she will call me in a few hours to let me know if she can hang with ol' Ry Dawg later that evening. I've just decided my supremely and tragically confident alter-ego will be known as Ry Dawg. The hours pass. I kill time by doing some yard work and practicing my katas outside. I surrender to the thought that there will be no hanging of the out this evening with my hip young gal pal.

This of course means that 10 minutes later my phone rings and Rebecca tells me that she and her friend are going to a movie, and she would like me to come along. However the movie started relatively soon and I would have to leave almost immediately to make it in time. Being the cool customer I am I say, "Oh yeah definitely I will be there!!" I bolt out the door still swishing Scope swishing between my cheeks.

Because I was swept up in the giant wave of enthusiasm that was carrying me to my fate, I failed to realize something until it was too late to go back...

I am wearing jean shorts.

In my haste I forgot to change out of my standard gardening/karate practicing attire of jean shorts. Oh god I think they are Wranglers!

As I came up out of the subway station 2 blocks from where I was to meet Rebecca and her friend I managed to convince myself that this wasn't a big deal. I was halfway across the street when I saw the attractive girl I was meeting and her equally attractive friend waiting for me when it hit me...

I am wearing jean shorts while hanging out with a couple of fashion students.

This is getting too long, so I'm going to have to throw in a "To be continued..."

TO BE CONTINUED....

5 comments:

Jay said...

You poor, silly bastard. I'm going to stay optimistic and hold hope that this twisted tale ends in a three-way.

Hans Strongo said...

At least they weren't cut-offs.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

No need to continue the story. I'm sure it ends with you alone in your bedroom with a box of Kleenex and a jar of K-Y.

v said...

I say you still charm her off her feet.

Okay. Maybe not. Dude!?!? Jean shorts!?!?!?

And thanks for the cliff hanger. What is this!?!? Days of Our Lives over here?!?

Lol. Seriously bro, if I was a betting man, I'd still bet on you ... and the jean shorts.

Becky said...

What he hasn't told you guys yet is that they were CUT OFF jean shorts...he tends to leave that little detail out.