As those of you who I send messages to on AIM all morning to avoid doing work may have noticed, I wasn't around this morning. This was because I ventured outside to take another shot at my friendly harassment of the ladies.
It is absolutely gross out today. The temperature is in the 90s and the humidity readings are ranging between 90% and Louie Anderson's taint. The one good thing about the Venutian temperatures is that the women of the city like to parade around half naked, so I had many worthy targets this morning.
Originally I was planning to use some of the suggestions people were nice enough to give me or leave in comment form, but I forgot them and couldn't be arsed to check what they were. So I found a new spot in the shade on a new block and began to muster up some courage and pray my brain would come up with something better than, "I want to fuck a bag of your hair."
An attractive white gal in disturbingly tight, white Capri pants strolls by...
"How's it goin' miss?" Pathetic, I know. She obviously didn't even flinch. I never call anyone "miss" unless she is on a box of hot chocolate. I don't know why I said that.
A tall, good looking black woman in a halter top enters my field of vision...
"Hey girl...uhh... Shit!!!" I completely choked here. I panicked I think because in all likelihood I would have said something really dumb involving the word chocolate, and I know that all black women can beat me up. I was struggling out there real bad. AnNother one like this and I was going to be done for sure.
A middle aged, but still MILFy brunette carrying a Duane Reed bag prances down the sidewalk...
"Yo girl, I got all the medicine you need" Halfway through this sentence I began to wish I was a turtle, so I could hide in my shell and roll into a sewer then learn karate. However! Much to my surprise she not only turned her head, but she smiled! Score one for Ry Dawg!
A foine lookin, well tanned chick with dangerous amounts of cleavage bounces by...
"Hey good lookin, what's happenin on the Flip Side!" Help me. What is this? What the fuck is this?! There was no reaction. If there was it was just her choking back the vomit. I begin to think I don't have much left in me for today.
A very tall, bird-looking yet still cute female swoops on by...
"Heyy eyyyy. Yeah. Alright" If you could hear me say this it would come across as much more enticing and seductive. At least I didn't go with my first instinct and call her "Stretch." This is when I decided to call it a day. And much like my previous entry, this blog ends with me turning away from a girl and running off in the opposite direction as quickly as possible.
So I guess today was not a complete failure even though it felt like one. It's kind of like, "I just completely wrecked my car, but at least my Kenny Loggins mix tape survived."
I don't know if I can do this again. I will be taking advice if I do however, so feel free.
come together, right now (literally)
3 years ago
7 comments:
Specific to you, cause you're a gorilla:
"What’s the hairiest thing you’ve ever hopped on?"
"Save a horse… ride a gorilla."
To show you're hip to pop culture:
"I’ve banged Paris Hilton… have you?"
And for some reason, I thought you were Irish:
"I’m Irish… wanna taste my Lucky Charms?"
Go get em, Tiger!
How about "Girl, you're blowing my mind over here! Care to come a little closer and work your way South?"
Not the best, I know, but it is original.
Try this.. It totally works.
"Hey baby! Are you lactating or are your tits just huge?"
..lol
The medicine line was pretty good bro, you should pat yourself on the back for that. And focus on the positive.
I still say you might want to memorize a couple of solid lines just in case you can't think of anything at a particular moment or an unexpected reaction catches you off guard.
And I think having the extra ammo might be a bit of a confidence booster. And, to me, a good portion of your activity has to do with confidence. So remember you're the Ryster. The Ryanator. The Ryscotch Stallion.
Go get 'em buddy!
V's right; the medicine line wasn't so bad.
I think you found your swing with the middle aged milfers. Go for the types who haven't been whooped at it in 10 years. They'll give you a smile every time. I guarantee. As far as the lines go, simplicity is the key...stick with "hey pretty lady" and "what's happening gorgeous."
Looking forward to the next experiment.
-k.
"Hi, my name's Ryan. How do you like me so far?"
Otherwise, go with Kelly's suggestions
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