There aren't many of these guys out there, but most of us know one. Sometimes known as "Straight Shooters," these are people who will always "tell it like it is."
If, for some unthinkable reason, you wanted an actual honest opinion, this would be the person you'd go to because you know they won't try to soften the blow if your new haircut makes you look like a poorly groomed pubis. This guy will tell you to your face that you should not be wearing a bikini that small when, from the neck down, you could be confused with Al Sharpton. And this no nonsense kind of person would tell you, even if he shares your political party, that you made a "we're OK without a condom this one time" kind of error in judgement s with your Vice Presidential candidate selection.
I hate these bastards. I try to keep myself in as much of a delusional state as possible in regards to how ridiculous I look, dress, dance, and eat in public. I don't need some jerk ruining the house of cards that is my self-esteem by telling me, "You know if I can see the outline of your bellybutton, the shirt is too small for you." I actually have a friend who is like this, and lord knows I need one. It is useful at times for someone as clueless as myself, but any appreciation for it goes out the window when I am told things like, "Yeah things have changed a lot for us in the past few years. You're definitely balder now." Thanks. Thanks a lot.
The other reason I hate these truth tellers is that I am completely jealous. It seems much easier and kind of fun, but I can never be one. Unless you're already one of these people, you can't be one either. It's impossible to make the switch from normal, polite guy, to no censors between brain and mouth guy. If you've been wise enough to have started being brutally honest with people early on in your life, they will expect it and even thank you for it. But if today I started being completely honest with people they would just think I turned into a huge asshole.
I've considered conducting an experiment where I attempt to become "that guy" but I've decided it's pointless. This is how the results would differ.
You know as I write this I am realizing that I also could never be that guy because I am scared shitless that someone would throw a truth counter punch back in my direction. I can't handle such a constant threat of having to face reality. The possible comments on this blog alone is enough to scare me away from even considering this again.
So I am stuck. Stuck never hearing, "Relax man. Ryan isn't trying to be mean, he just tells it like it is." Stuck being nice. A nice liar. At least I am good at it.
*Note - Even stright shooters do not tell it like it is when it comes to their girlfriend/wife.
If, for some unthinkable reason, you wanted an actual honest opinion, this would be the person you'd go to because you know they won't try to soften the blow if your new haircut makes you look like a poorly groomed pubis. This guy will tell you to your face that you should not be wearing a bikini that small when, from the neck down, you could be confused with Al Sharpton. And this no nonsense kind of person would tell you, even if he shares your political party, that you made a "we're OK without a condom this one time" kind of error in judgement s with your Vice Presidential candidate selection.
I hate these bastards. I try to keep myself in as much of a delusional state as possible in regards to how ridiculous I look, dress, dance, and eat in public. I don't need some jerk ruining the house of cards that is my self-esteem by telling me, "You know if I can see the outline of your bellybutton, the shirt is too small for you." I actually have a friend who is like this, and lord knows I need one. It is useful at times for someone as clueless as myself, but any appreciation for it goes out the window when I am told things like, "Yeah things have changed a lot for us in the past few years. You're definitely balder now." Thanks. Thanks a lot.
The other reason I hate these truth tellers is that I am completely jealous. It seems much easier and kind of fun, but I can never be one. Unless you're already one of these people, you can't be one either. It's impossible to make the switch from normal, polite guy, to no censors between brain and mouth guy. If you've been wise enough to have started being brutally honest with people early on in your life, they will expect it and even thank you for it. But if today I started being completely honest with people they would just think I turned into a huge asshole.
I've considered conducting an experiment where I attempt to become "that guy" but I've decided it's pointless. This is how the results would differ.
Control Group - Len has always told it like it is.
Friends: So what did you think of our band?
Len: You need to practice for a few more years.
Friends: Ha Ha. You're probably right Len. Thanks for telling it like it is as usual.
Experimental Group - Ryan has been telling it like it is for a week
Friends: So what did you think of our band?
Ryan: I don't know if the world is ready for an O-Town tribute band right now.
Friends: You know, you've been acting like a total jerkoff lately
You know as I write this I am realizing that I also could never be that guy because I am scared shitless that someone would throw a truth counter punch back in my direction. I can't handle such a constant threat of having to face reality. The possible comments on this blog alone is enough to scare me away from even considering this again.
So I am stuck. Stuck never hearing, "Relax man. Ryan isn't trying to be mean, he just tells it like it is." Stuck being nice. A nice liar. At least I am good at it.
*Note - Even stright shooters do not tell it like it is when it comes to their girlfriend/wife.
5 comments:
I like to ensure that the truth remains subjective at all times. That way I never have a clue what the fuck is going on, or at the very least, can sustain my false realties so long as 1 out of every 100 person placates me.
HAHA... so, so true.
after meeting tell-it-like-it-is guy, i turn into ask-everyone-i-know-for-reassurance-that-my-ass-does-not-look-like-a-large-mustachioed-black-man-in-my-new-swimsuit girl.
Thanks, but the truth has no place in my world.
Telling it like it is is just being a dickwad.
Yes, well believe me, the other side can be a curse as well. Seems every time I'm asked by a hot woman if I think she looks good, I offer the honest appraisal and next thing I know she's trying to wrap her legs around my neck.
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