One of my favorite things that I see happen on a regular basis though, is when guys say and/or yell out things to women walking down the street. Now I realize if I were these women I might not find it so hilarious and awesome, but at least I would have large succulent bosoms. These fantastic men never yell out anything too vulgar or offensive in my mind.
For example, one time I was patrolling W 37th St. past a group of guys loading boxes off a truck. As I passed them, a young african american lady person with a pleasant face and copious amounts of booty walked in the opposite direction across the street. One of the workers noticed her and immediately yelled, "I LOVE YOU GIRL BUT I LOST YO NUMBER. HIT ME UP WIT IT!" All the workers and myself started laughing, but the woman didn't even flinch.
A lot of the gentlemen I have seen participating in this are middle aged Hispanic men. They are great because they say cool things like "Mamacita" and make entertaining celebratory latino noises. I admire their cajones
I am enthralled by the guys who do this, and it's probably because I am much more comfortable simply burning holes through the back pockets of the gal's pants with my eyes (or a magnifying lens if I have one handy and the midday sun in hot and blazing). Also they always seem to be having the grandest of times even though the targets of their affections never even grant them so much as a glance in their direction. I wish I could experience this care-free, who gives a flying fudge attitude instead of my normal "I can't talk to that girl because I think my teeth are shrinking," or similarly paranoid, mindset.
However for the sake of entertaining the three people that may read this blog, I will do the unheard of. I will stand outside on the bustling streets of this metropolis and attempt to get the attention of attractive female pedestrians. Then I will report back to you my experiences once the swelling around my black eyes go down. It will be a social experiment. I wonder where I can get a labcoat.
5 comments:
I only heckle women in my head, with actual words that seem to just scream into my consciousness and shock me with their absurdity. For instance, I saw a particularly fine black woman walk by the other day (a rare occurence in Arcata, California, which consists mostly of white dreadlocked people), and the words that popped into my head were "damn, those chocolate bun buns are obscene." I felt slightly guilty and went about my business, grinning like a nut.
Well I wrote a nice long comment yesterday but forgot my blogger password...
SO....did you go out and hairy ass women yesterday? And your mom doesn't count.
ZING!
I'm partial to a good old fashioned slap on the rear. Honestly, in a woman's mind there is no greater reward for a job well done.
A sharp, witty young man such as yourself? I'm sure you'll gain the attention of many a fine young lady.
And, um, maybe you could post some of your lines.
You know, because I have a friend who said he was interested in them.
I said a friend, people, a friend!
just go up, wrap your right arm around her waist, place your right hand on her left boobie, and kiss her.
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