I obviously have opted to go the route of quantity over quality this week, so I'm going to continue the trend with a new poll.
I often times spend large chunks of my days imagining who would win in fights. Today i wondered who would come out on top in a battle of these ferocious combatants.
My Grandfather as a Zombie - He has been dead for over 20 years, but if a VooDoo priest were to cast a spell to raise him from the dead he could do some damage. During his life my grandfather fought in WWII and also was a New York City Police officer. My father often tells me he remembers "Papa" having huge strong hands that he would swing at his head if he complained while my grandfather was driving drunk home from a family party. Being a zombie would make him tougher and stronger, but he would be slowed down a lot.
A Ninja with staplers instead of feet - This is pretty self explanatory. Due to a freak accident at an office supply store, this master of the dark martial arts now has working staplers at the bottom of his legs. He can use them as weapons for they are made of cold hard steel and they will fire off if he kicks someone or some stack of papers. The downside is he can no longer sneak up on his opponents due to all the noise they make. He will have no weapons for this fight
aside from his hands and stapler feet.
Stevie Wonder with a handgun - Again it pretty much says it all. He will have 40 rounds of ammo available for use during the fight. He obviously has very fast fingers and will be able to get off multiple shots before the other combatants make their moves. Obviously his blindness will hinder his ability to find a target, but his other senses have to be pretty heightened at this point.
A Leopard with a Peg Leg - A leopard lost his right front paw while working with heavy machinery. In it's place is your standard wooden limb replacement peg commonly found on pirates. This would cut his swatting capability in half and would cut down his speed and pouncing skills. However the peg is in bad need of sanding and can give out some serious splinters.
Give it some thought. This is a serious question that deserves time to contemplate all the possibilities. Then make your vote.
come together, right now (literally)
3 years ago
17 comments:
I've ruled out the ninja, but the other three are in contention . . . given that gramps would move slow, I think he could be taken out by Stevie or the panther . . . if the panther has learned to move quietly, I think the could get Stevie from behind - I'm going panther
The leopard would win because he would have PETA on his side. And those people are craaaazy.
Although I think Stevie Wonder would give all of them a run for their money. His voice is velvety-smooth.
Does the peg legged leopard also have gold hoop earings and a parrot named Puberto? If so, then no questions asked the leopard would spank ass and take no prisoners.
I am conflicted. I'll have to think on it and come back. Hmmm...
My money is on Stevie Wonder. He may be blind, but he's also black. Popping caps is in his blood.
A NINJA WITH STHHHHTAPLERTHS FOR FEET? how do you think up such genius?
Me voted before reading so there be no undue influence in me mental process. After reading though me still gonna stick to Stievie Wonder. The he sways when he be grovin prevents anyone from making contact with him.
STOMP.
I think Grandpa Zombie would definitely come out on top. Zombies can only be "killed" by having their head removed, right? Which isn't going to happen by a stapler, gun or peg leg.
DUDE it HAS to be your Grandfather. Bullets and staples can't hurt zombies. AND all he would have to do is get in ONE bite to "turn" the leopard into a zombie before it ripped his head off. I'm sure a vet could get in ONE bite. Easy.
Ok I didn't read photogirl's comment and now I feel stupid. But at least you know how I stand.
Diane - Stevie is all man. No one gets him from behind!
mishy - PETA folk can be a bit nutty. Maybe all they will do to support the leopard is make one of them naked celebrity calendars. That's my kind of activism.
mistress - The leopard can have earings if you're willing to try and pierce him before the fight starts.
blondie - Take your time. I'm glad you are giving this serious issue the cnosideration it deserves.
dyck - lol. I had forgotten about that.
idle - I don't know. Cookies for breakfast probably helps.
monster - I was hoping someone would bring up his soulful head swaying. I comepletely forgot about it when writing.
photo - Very good point about my grandfather and zombies in general. My whole family just swelled with pride.
lindystar - Again, I didn't even consider the fact that Grandpa could turn the other's into zombies. This new insight has made him truly formiddable.
The thing most people don't realize is that Grandfather Zombie is of the craftier breed. He would first bite the leopard, thus recruiting it for his evil purpose. The leopard is at match for speed with Stapler Ninja, who would also likely be shot by Stevie. For you see, Stapler Ninja has lost the important skill of stealth, now having clanging stapler feet. So Stevie would shoot him first, aided in the kill by a now Peg-Legged Leopard Zombie. The gun would have no effect on GZ or PLLZ, thus GZ is the victor, plus he gets a new pet.
Ok, it's gotta be Gramps. Here's why:
- Stevie would lull the cheetah to sleep w/ his soothing vocal chords.
- Stevie can't see, so he won't hit Gramps, & even if he did, Gramps is already dead so it won't affect him.
However, when he hits the cheetah, kitty's dead.
- The primary strength of a ninja is their stealthiness. W/ staplers for feet, you'll know they're coming from a mile away.
Ok, after much consideration, I'm going to have to concur on the Grandpa Zombie line of thinking. Zombies are really already dead and therefore can't really be killed in a manner that would involve staplers and/or a gun...unless it was a real hand cannon...which would put Stevie at an advantage.
Wow. I'm very impressed as to how people figured out this riddle. I'm disappointed in myself for not giving this the thought it deserved.
So.
Full.
Of.
Shame.
How is it that the Peg Leg Leopard is TIED with Grandpa? Is this a legitimate poll, Ryan, or is it like every other time we vote anywhere? I demand answers!!
I had to go with the Peg-leg. If this were a 4v4, Stevie Wonder is going to be firing off shots like a mad man, but most likely at torso level. The torso level of a man, not a giant cat.
Zombie Grandpa isn't interesting in large felines and thus would go after the nearest living human.
Staple foot ninja must deal with the immediate dangers of a.Getting shot and b. Getting his brains eaten. Thus bringing his guard down slightly for the large cat.
I used entirely too much logic for this argument.
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