This morning someone at the office called me immature because they farted and I couldn't stop laughing and saying, "Hey Toots! Where's the Maytals?"
So fucking what?
I mean sure I do some things that may not be acting my age, but just because I spent an hour at work yesterday daydreaming about candy, doesn't mean I'm some kind of big man baby.
You think you're better than me because I don't call my friends to ask them if they want to hang out? I just show up at their house and ring the doorbell. You're not better than me asshole. I prefer face to face contact is all, pal.
And big effin deal if I couldn't stop laughing while my best friend drew me a drawing of a vagina once so I'd know what I was doing for a change. That's not that childish. And if that didn't happen I would have never known that women actually have a separate pee hole, for peeing. You can't say you haven't been in that situation before.
So I guess now I'm some kind of giant mutant toddler stumbling around in Osh Kosh B'Gosh because my favorite food is a McNugget, and I plan my sleeping schedule around cartoons.
And don't try to pretend like you haven't also fantasized obsessively about one day owning your very own ball pit. They are fucking cool and fun to play in. You can't deny that.
I'm a grown ass man y'all.
I gotta stop now and go back to seeing if anyone wants to get a game of manhunt going this weekend.
come together, right now (literally)
3 years ago
9 comments:
Do you live in small beach community in So Cal? If not, consider a move. I do, and it would never occur to any of my friends to call before stopping by; most prefer to stand out front and yell my name until I come out on the front porch.
i started to leave you comment, but it got too long and i decided to post about it because, really, who can't use more information about farts? really.
Is that what that hole is for? Peeing?? I've been trying to stuff my wang in there.
Ryan, I'm certainly glad that your friend drew you that "illustration." I'm sure it made a HUGE difference in the kind of women you are now getting. ;o)
Diane - No I live in a wandering Gypsy Caravan
crystal - I'm glad I inspired you to such great levels of flatulence writing.
dyck - I'm pretty sure all holes have that purpose.
Sassy - yeah it did. Im finally getting women with vaginas.
You are a grown ass man Ryan. And you know why? Because you dropped a Toots and the Maytals reference.
Yes, I had to look it up. Whatever.
If I ever strike it rich, I'm installing a ball pit right next to the stripper pit.
You sound like that guy from Grandma's Boy. You know the one that lives with his parents, but calls them his roommates. He still sleeps in a car bed, and is giddy his mommy packs him snack packs in his lunch box.
Don't be ashamed. My husband still gets up to watch Saturday morning cartoons, and plays with all of the boys toys. He was totally happy when Evan got the Ultra Blast Batman and Optimus Prime helmet. I think he married be so he could play with my older sons Batcave and Batmobile.
People with eating disorders day dream about candy.
And I giggle when professors say a sentence that includes genitals.
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