Summer Blockbuster

It's a bad sign I am posting a blog so early. Unfortunately due to everyone but me having 97 vacation days, I have been relegated to front desk bitch because I'm the only one here who knows how to transfer a phone call. Already after 10 minutes I am out of things to do, so here we are. Since right now I hate my job more than usual, I have been thinking of how I can make money with very little effort. Since my co-worker just explained to me the problems that would be involved in making unicorn skin boots, I will move on to thinking about ideas for movies. I have several scripts shucking and jiving around in my brain. This is one such idea.

Bear Hands: Enter the Ranger
Steve Montross is a mild mannered park ranger with a loving wife and two children. He is a peaceful man who enjoys spending his days educating others about the wonders of nature. Then one fateful day, everything changes.

A group of evil campers show up at the park. They play their music too loud, litter like maniacs, and tear up the ground with their large trucks. When Ranger Montross confronts the campers they just laugh and throw beer cans at his head. Undaunted by this, Steve attempts to instruct them on the proper way to set controlled fires. The ringleader of the campers, the evil dark lord Bobby Ray yells, "Conserve this!!" as he grabs a squirrel and tosses it into the fire while ! Ranger Montross rushes towards the blaze and thrusts his hands in to try and recover the squirrel. He manages to yank the little creature out of the fire and runs to the river to put out the flames and passes out on the shore with his hands and forearms charred to the bone.

When Ranger Montross comes to he finds himself in a hospital bed with his wife standing over him crying. When he reaches out to comfort her she screams, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" As she turns around and runs out of the room, Steve reaches out to tell her to comeback but stops when he notices his hands, or that is what used to be his hands!!! (DUN DUN DUN) All he sees are two huge fur covered paws. When the doctors come in they tell him that his hands were burned beyond recognition when he tried to save the squirrel, and the doctors had no choice but to replace them with the hands of a grizzly bear.

Now Steve Montross returns to his job as Park Ranger. However he is no longer the same man he used to be. He is a man who can no longer hold his children as he once did. A man who can no longer touch his wife in a husbandly way. A man who can no longer hold a pencil. A man twisted by fate into a force of nature. He now uses his new found powers to protect the one thing he has left, his park. For he is BEAR HANDS.

Ok so there you have it. Don't worry I didn't give away anything cool. However I will tell you there is a scene where Steve tries to masturbate that will tug at your heart strings. I'm hoping for a big Summer 2009 release. As far as casting goes I picture Ryan Gosling as Ranger Montross, Sir Anthony Hopkins as Bobby Ray and Sam Elliot and K-Non, the mysterious park hermit and mentor to Ranger Steve.

Oh and for the one scumbag out there who I know reads this blog every day( I wont mention any names but it starts with an S and ends with a teven Spielberg), if you steal another one of my movie ideas I will send you the most hurtful letter ever.