Friday, November 14

Close Call

Naming a baby is always a time of danger. Pick the wrong name and your child may be tortured for life. I've often wondered how much impact a name can have on a person's identity, success and even physical development.  For example, if I name my son Gravel Facepunch, will he be tougher, larger  and more forceful than if he were named Feighleen Unicorn. Had I the means to travel backwards in time and speak to my own parents before my birth, I would have tried to convince them to name me Stack Overload.

A co-worker of mine was discussing the debate going on over the name of her newest grandchild. This woman is in her early 70s and was previously occupied as a nun. The kid had been named a few things already before the birth. At one point he was Dylan and then he was Ryan. After he was born they were considering the name Brody which makes my stomach twist just typing it. However Brody was shortly axed in favor of Dylan again.

When Office Nun mentioned his middle name was James, someone piped up and said, "Hey. You can call him DJ."

Office Nun then said, "You know that's why they decided on Dylan. It was going to be Brody, but apparently there is some problem with him being a BJ"

The reaction you probably just had to this statement was the same as those in the office had upon hearing it. To make things worse, she kept saying, "What? What's wrong with BJ? Is it something bad? What's BJ? What's BJ?"

Now this situation is not foreign to me. Usually though it's with a much younger girl who is playing dumb when I make a suggestion as to what we can do that evening. In this case though I had zero desire to tell someone who lived in a convent what the hell a BJ is.

However she continued to ask anyone who would listen, and eventually she came over to me and said "What's wrong with BJ?" Knowing my mouth could not be stopped when confronted with such a question, my legs decided to take action. I stood up and race walked away from the scene as "I don't know! I've been asking my girlfriend that for months" escaped from my word hole.

I'm still not sure if anyone explained it to Office Nun, but if Pancakes had been around I'm sure he would have.

While I do appreciate the parents of this child were kind and smart enough to avoid the BJ debacle, the name Dylan is still kind of lame. This may be a result of my inability to stop thinking about 90210...ever, but I fear he has been sentenced to a life of sideburns and squinting.

7 comments:

Chris Wilson said...

Come on, we all saw "Catholic High School Girls In Trouble". The nuns know what's what.

Em said...

Haha... Dylan is an ok name, I think. I didn't even think of 90210 until you said something.

monkey girl said...

I can see your problem, especially since she was an ex-nun and in her 70's...you don't want to kill her. My mom asked me what a BJ was when I was 25ish, she was serious too. I told her straight out, then she turns to me and asks, "and do guys like this?"...Ahhhhh, yes mom, I believe they do.

Diane said...

This is why I would never buy a Hummer automobile.

My nephew just had a baby girl, and named her Dylan. You gotta be careful with those "It's Pat!" names.

Jay Ferris said...

DJ makes me think of the little retarded kid from the sitcom Roseanne.

I was hyper-aware of any potential name rhyming, alliteration, and anagram for my kids. I think it worked out well, even if their names ended up as nothing but an unintelligible string of consonants.

Catastrophe Waitress said...

Gravel Facepunch?
bahhahha!!!
where do you come up with this stuff???

Fordyce said...

Ok Ryan, I am painfully aware that you hate my kids names. I will go today and have them all changed to Jennifer, Michael, Rebecca and Brian...better?!