Mistakes on a Plane, Part 2

Previously, I told a tale of fail regarding my method of dealing with air travel. This is basically to deprive myself of sleep the night before my flight, resulting in sleep filled, but panic and boredom free flight. Never one to give up on a bad idea, I put my method to use again even after spraying hot saliva all over economy class on my way back from Florida.

One reason I had been so enthusiastic about the idea of sleep flight was the whole not sleeping bit allowed me to engage in obscene amounts of procrastination. So the night before I was to fly to Minnesota I had a grand ol' time packing 3 items of clothing every time I felt like taking a break from Nintendo, the Internet and On Demand Showtime porn.

Previously my flights had left early in the morning which facilitated my plan. This time however, the plane was not due to leave the Earth until 2PM. As you can imagine, after about 32 hours without sleep or even listening to Losing My Religion, I was not in the most solid of mental states.

I have no recollection of how I made it to the airport, through security and onto the plane without  falling down or asking someone if I could pet their unicorn. Somehow I stumbled into my seat feeling like tiny Shaolin monks were kung fuing my brain. It felt like they were using the Plum Flower Fist style. Had I fallen asleep when my ass hit flotation device, things would have gone swell. It seemed as if some part of my tea totalling self was enjoying this euphoric brain damagey feeling and wanted it to continue.

The plane was not full by any means, but the few people who walked by me on the way to their seat stared as I made feeble attempts to fasten my safety belt. I had struggled with insertion before, but never in such a public venue. We pulled away from the gate and I still was not buckled in. A kindly, and somewhat cute, flight attendant felt sorry for me and offered to help.

"Let me give you a hand. They can be tricky," she said before leaning down, snapping the two ends together and pulling the strap tight with ease and grace. " There you go. You're all set."

Under normal circumstances my brain would be exploding with ridiculous thoughts that would paralyze my vocal chords. Right now though, my brain was mush. Out of my mouth slipped, "You smell pretty."

Mercifully, sleep came quickly after. When I exited the plane I nearly sprinted off the plane staring at the floor as to avoid her gaze of disgust. I also tried to hum loudly to avoid hearing anything horrible, but I did make out someone saying, "Man that guy must really love Minneapolis."

These days I sleep plenty and bring lots of reading material.