Thursday, December 8

Bomb Lebanon!

Here is a shocking confession for you people.
I look at porn on occasion.

Pick your jaw up off the floor and let's continue.


I think there is a major problem in porn. The problem are the overly tanned ex-con looking wang monsters in porn. They seem to forget that 99 percent of the people watching aren't watching it for them. It's hard enough for me to fight the depression monsoon raging in my head from the sight of a penis 17 times the size of the one Im feebly stroking, but then they start grunting and groaning like a Sea Lion shitting shrapnel (pictured to the right) to shove my genitalia back up into my body cavity.

There needs to be affirmative action instituted in porn in favor of mute Asians.

Maybe now you'd say, "Hey loserface, why don't you just avoid the dudes and watch lesbian porn." Well jerk, I won't watch lesbian porn because lesbians are scum. Ok maybe that's a bit harsh, but it makes me laugh so I will stand by it.

I don't really "get" lesbian porn or even why guys get all wacky over two broads bumping donuts(although I do appreciate the lack of Eclairs). My problem is that they are lesbians and by definition want absolutely nothing to do with me or my dangling participle. If I want to check out a bunch of chicks who are totally disinterested in me I will go look through my High School yearbook.

The one thing I do like about lesbian porn is the math.
2 Naked ladies >1 Naked Lady

I think I would enjoy porn that involves one naked lady making me some chicken parmigiana and telling me how funny I am.

So in conclusion, I'm retarded.

6 comments:

CozyMama said...

your not retarded, your a man. LOL Lots of love.

Becky said...

I never understood why guys like Lesbians - your so right, THEY ARE NOT INTERSTED IN YOU! that's like me getting all crazy for gay guys. Makes no sense. Although I dont like porn, I've only seen a snippet and it made me laugh, but I'm not a male. Thank you for this post today and thank you for helping me get over my donut craving. I will never look at them the same!

RevRee said...

I saw a porn once, playing in the background at a hours party. These two chicks were making out in some gym. All of a sudden one of them pulls out a dildo and beging to suck on it. I'm still trying to figure out who that was benefiting?...

Anonymous said...

Next to Becky, you are the funniest person I have ever...um...read, I guess.

Speak for yourself Beck, I still love donuts, and eclairs.

Anonymous said...

Dykes need to be sent to the middle east to be raped by arabs. show them what real sex is. all lesbians are faggots, all will burn in hell and all need shooting in the head. if you like these dirty whores you are fag enabler and you will surely burn in hell with them. Death to all dykes/lesbians!

Anonymous said...

revree you are a sick little bastard watching faggot porn. all dykes need to be gassed! bring back the gas chambers for the female queers. Hitler was RIGHT!