Idiocy is genetic

Several years back my parents decided to have some work done on the old house. So for a good week during the summer there were a bunch of dudes hanging in, around and on the house, and for once it wasn't because my mom is a slut! lol @ my mom

As they worked on the roof, they removed parts of it and flung them to the ground without much regard for what they were hitting. While they were working on the front of the house, this debris was falling down onto flowers that my father had planted.

Now my father spends a lot of time digging and planting and generally gardening like a mo fo. He loves doing it. I think it relaxes him. Either that or he just wanted a reason to be out of the house and away from me and my brother fighting over who ate the last of the Cocoa Puffs. The point is, it's pretty important to him.

So my dad yells up to the guy on the roof, "Hey! Could you try not to throw that stuff onto the flowers?" The guy says agrees, no problem. My father starts to walk away to the back of the house when he hears the guy on the roof yell to someone else...

"Hey! The Homo doesn't want us ruining his flowers!"

My dad freezes in his tracks. He could not believe his ears. Did that guy just have the gall to call him a homo for not wanting his flowers ruined? Like he is some kind of a pansy loving pansy? A Flower pickin gay lord? I give him credit, and am shocked, because he didn't run back over there and immediately start a fight. Instead he started fuming and went inside to look for my mother.

Dad: *Slams Door*
Mom: What's the matter with you?
Dad: You will not fucking believe this!
Mom: Ryan actually went to class today and then applied for a job?
Dad: No I didn't see any pigs soaring by
Mom: Then what is it?
Dad: One of the guys out there called me a homo because I didn't want my flowers ruined!
Mom: Well gardening is kinda fruity...
Dad: Zip it woman!!

Ok maybe the end of that didn't happen exactly the way I said, but he was furious beyond belief. He stomped around the house and yard for fifteen minutes, face totally red with rage and smoke coming out of his ears telling anyone but the workers about how highly insulted he was. This included my instigating neighbor.

Dad: Fred, come over here.
Fred: What is up dude
Dad: You won't believe this.
Fred: Your son brought a girl home that isn't 300 pounds and heavily sedated?
Dad: Yeah right do you see any winged monkeys exited my anus?
Fred: What?
Dad: Anyway, One of the guys working ont he house called me a Homo!
Fred: Whoa man that's not cool. You should totally call him out on it.
Dad: You think so? But they still have to finish the roof and I don't want to doa nything to prevent that
Fred: No man you can't let someone dis you like that. You need the respect man. You are the Boss here. You pay them, the lowly laborers man. You gotta go dress him down.
Dad: You're right Fred! Im going to go do that now.

Because my dad was so incensed he was pretty susceptible to Fred's ridiculous provocation. He marched over to the guy in charge of the workers filled with anger and ready to let it explode all over the flower hater. "Who are you to call me homo? I'm paying you I deserve respect! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my flowers! prepare to die!"

He told the guy he would like to speak to the worker on the roof, but he did not say why. The guy said ok and he yelled up to the evil homophobe...

" Hey Jimmy! The HOMEOWNER wants to talk with you! "

Upon hearing this my father's rage, and stomach, fell right out of his ass. The realization that he had been fuming for the past twenty minutes because he misheard the word "homeowner" was bitch slapping my dad right in the face which was still bright red, but from embarrassment now.

Stuck in a whirlwind of shame, my father had no time to think of something to say to his former arch-nemesis whow as all of a sudden right in front of him. He managed to blurt out "Umm Thanks for not hitting the flowers anymore. You want a beer or something?" The guy said he would love one. My father went inside, grabbed a beer from the fridge and handed it to the worker outside who said...

"What the hell is this? O'Douls? You faggot!"