This may create a wave of shock that will render people unconscious in a 10 miles radius, but I do not have a significant other at the moment. I can't even be bothered to lie about it and make one up like I usually do. "Oh her name is Ingrid. She is a top swimsuit model from Sweden. We met when she was in New York for a photo shoot and definitely NOT on the internet."
Maybe this lack of a partner is why I don't particularly care that today is Valentines Day. Although, I can recall several fights I have had because I didn't care it was Valentines Day when I did have a girlfriend.
I'm not one of these people who will go around preaching how this is a made up holiday by the card companies to fatten their wallets ( I only do that on Arbor Day) because I see it more of a pointless holiday. If I love someone I don't need a day of the year set aside to remind them of this. I should be telling them everyday. Valentines Day has no use to me and I don......brb
Ok forget all I just said. Someone just called me over and gave me a satchel full of assorted Hershey's miniatures. I forgot about the free candy part of the holiday. God damn I love me some Mr. Goodbar. I gotta find someone to ditj these gross Dark Chocolate ones on. YAY VALENTINES DAY!!
My day started off very romantically. I had a dream I was in a hotel room . There were two beds. I was occupying one and a cousin of mine was in the other. He had a girl in his bed, and I had one in mine. This girl changed identities several times, but her actions were the same throughout. She was dry humping the befuckinjesus out of me. A hole was wearing out of my pajama pants. I think she also tried to dry hump my face. I forget why she refused to take her pants and undercrackers off. At the end of the dream I have a feeling the girl was Jessica Alba.
Speaking of Jessica Alba. My friend and fellow primate-named blogger Monkey Movie Star has a recent post about the amazing acting talent that is Jessica Alba. You can also check out herIM rant on the wreck known as Mariah carey while you're there.
come together, right now (literally)
3 years ago
6 comments:
Hey, I'm going to a strip club tonight.
How's that for Valentine's Day?
On V-day I like to shove as much chocolate in my mouth as humanly possible ...acting as if my head is a toliet, i then "flush " my ear, thus spittin all the chocolate out of my mouth in a disgusting manner.
What better time to get waxy chocolates and construct Valentines Mail Boxes out of cereal boxes...
Er...shut up. I havn't done that since first grade.
If I didn't have a wife and an overwhelming amount of heterosexuality coarsing through my veins, you could totally be my funny valentine.
I got flowers today!! So what if they were from my sister who works at a flower show...I still got flowers!...stop looking at me like that! ;-)
Am I weird for liking dark chocolate?
And tell Ingrid she broke my heart. :(
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