Tuesday, November 22

10 Things You Didn't Know About Me

1. When I was a small child and someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would tell them I wanted to be a Gorilla. Seeing how much body hair I have now I wish I had said I wanted to be a really rich gorilla with a big penis.
2. The greatest day of my life was the day I beat Pitfall II for the Atari. This was in 1997.
3. I don't believe Delaware exists.
4. Half of my face is very attractive. The other half is extremely ugly.
5. I consider a relationship successful if I have made the woman wet herself from laughing.
6. My penis curves upwards....towards Jesus.
7. When I was five I accidentally drank urine because I thought it was Apple Juice.
8. The first time I had sexy intercourse I finished in a minute and failed to "remove myself from the premises." When asked why all I could come up with was, "It got stuck"
9. I have several nicknames including Breadman, Toastman, Cryin' Ryan and Smelly Jim
10. My last girlfriend broke up with me because I would sing the theme from Duck Tales while we fornicated.

If you'd like to learn more about these or other fascinating facts about yours truly, consult your local library. Or just ask me I guess.

2 comments:

Becky said...

Duck Tails...wooo wooo!

You are strange and I love it!

Julia said...

Penis for Jesus!