Medically Speaking...

I was at the Doctor the other day, and he was questioning me about my bathroom situation. I don't know if anyone else is like this, but when I go to the doctor I like to try to sound somewhat medical and not say things like, "Yeah Doc I've been pissin just fine, but I don't think I am taking a dump regularly enough."Instead I use more formal terminology. I don't know why I feel the need to do this. Maybe I want to sound smart in front of them because we both went to school for 8 years and they have a Medical Degree while all I have to show for my time at university are deep psychological wounds, a creepy midget story and a 5 page paper on the Price is Right.

So I told him I was urinating fine, but for whatever reason I couldn't remember what to call taking a shit. I considered using "poop," but I figured I am a few decades old for that now.

Not wanting to sit there forever in a stupor as I tried to figure this out, I did my best and blurted out, "I've been dropping feces pretty regularly."

This was followed by a puzzled look, an awkward silence and then the recollection of the term bowel movement. I wanted to correct myself and just scream "BOWEL MOVEMENT!!!", but the last time I did that Mike Pizza struck out, and I got kicked out of Shea Stadium. So I decided against to shut up.

Seriously though, Dropping feces? I hate myself.