You've been duped by a Smooth Criminal!

My brother told me something the other day that nearly blew my mind. He gets all of his info from the internet so it's obviously very true. I had actually wondered how great this would be before, but I don't think I've heard anyone else say it.

He told me that Michael Jackson fakes that High Pitched voice. His real voice is deep, and he started putting on this Mickey Mouse on helium thing when he got into the whole Peter Pan thing. I completely believe this story for a couple reasons.

I had a similar experience. When I was younger I got really into Snow White. I found myself aping the mannerisms of the dwarves form the classic tale. I wore a very tall and very phallic hat. I did run into some problems. My parent's refused to let me have surgery to shorten myself, and after they caught me in the basement with a saw and my leg in a vice grip, they had me put under constant watch. Also if you walk around in New York saying "Hi Ho Hi Ho" you will get the bejesus beat out of you by women every color of the rainbow. (the Indigo ones hurt the mostest) But yeah, I can see where Michael is coming from with his Peter Pan kick.

The other reason I choose to believe this story is because it's awesome. I love the mental images it gives me of him losing his coola nd his real voice coming out. I picture Michael at his Amusement Park with some kids. Something like this might happen.

MJ(Peter Pan): C'mon chilrens. Lets go on the ferris wheel.
Kid: No Michael I don't wanna.
MJ(Peter Pan): But the ferris wheel is fun. You''ll like it. Then after we can have a watergun fight with my sister Janet, Macaulay Culkin and a kinkajou, but don't worry he isn't a real Jew.
Kid: No! I wanna snowcone!
MJ(James Earl Jones): Nigga I said get yo got dayum ass on the ferris wheel!

Ohh that deserves a voice re-enactment.

I want to add that while MJ is an insane child molesting mental patient, I would still like to go to a concert of his. I see myself int he front row, wearing my red leather thriller jacket and screaming at the top of my lungs with the 14 year old Romanians all around me. Michael would be rocking out the whole time with Dirty Diana and Smooth Criminal. During Man in The Mirror he would reach down and touch my hand and I would burst into a massive weep. And I would never wash my hand again.

The End
Sincerely yours,
Ryan