"I heard men can't pee when they have an erection. That's pretty damn cool too because sometimes I have to go and being horny doesn't stop the urge. Though it does help to put a nice squeeze on a penis. "
I'm only going to talk about the urination and erection part of what she said, but the penis squeezing was too nice to not repeat. I have heard several times that men can't pee while they are aroused, but I must have some kind of factory defect in my loins because all my juices keep flowing even when in a severe state of turgidity!.
The dilemma of Boner Peeing has presented itself to me numerous times. Almost always it happens first thing in the morning after a particularly lusty dream involving getting some stank on my hang low with my 8th grade history teacher and can of corn. Once the remaining thoughts of porking are pushed out of my brain by the urge to drain the main vein, I hop out of bed and come face to face with the problem.
My enraged cyclops points upwards to Jesus, as you all know, and so does the opening of the toilet. Herein lies the problem. A rational human being would wait until their erection dies down. However, I am an idiot and wind up trying one of three techniques.
My first option is to stand about 8ft away from the toilet and try to urinate in a mighty arc. The problems here are that I have no depth perception so my aim is often terrible and as the stream weakens in power, I have to walk forward to compensate which is extremely tricky.
The second technique is the one I resort to most often. First I gently push down my emaciated banana, start to lean my torso forward as I pull my hips back and let the urine fly! There is a danger here if too much force is used when pushing down the boner. If done too hard there could be a ripped tendon resulting in an erection as floppy as an elephants ear.
The final method is the most advanced. It involves performing a handstand on the toilet seat so the pee hole points right at the toilet. The risks here include pissing in my own face due to lack of hand guidance and losing grip of the seat to wind up drowning in my toilet.
So there you have it. I apologize for wasting several minutes of your life.
Be grateful I didn't tell the story of how I used my ability to pee with a hard on to fake an orgasm.
12 comments:
Another good read, not a waste of time.
LOL! Handstand on the toliet. Your out of your mind Ryan and that's why I will tattoo that blog entry on my back.
Dude, just pee in the shower like the rest of us.
Corn, eh?
Not on the Cob. That's gay
I hate how much I laugh at this stuff.
Backhanded compliments, anyone?
"my ability to pee with a hard on to fake an orgasm"
LMAO!
I had the Arch-and-Walk technique down and then I moved.
I laughed so hard I peed!
or you can do the ol
piss in my ass
YEEHAW
fricken hilarious. I laughed so hard I started crying.
Yeah, a guy should be able to pee while being erect. A guy should not be able to pee and ejaculate semen at the same time since both fluids use the same plumbing.
I use the lean forward technique now and then. But my 'erectile angle' (if you will) is less than 45 degrees so it ain't so bad.
Plus I have a picture of Star Jones for such occasions. I call it "insta-flaccid" .... are you thinking what I'm thinking? That's right insta-flaccid.com --- we'll be rich.
I can pee with an erection, but the wait is agonizing. Once it gets going things are good and start to soften up, but getting the stream flowing takes forever... I have to practically will myself to do it.
In my older age, as the penis starts to betray me, I've given up on the erection pee. Now I just slam my cock in the door a couple of times to even myself out.
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