Work is For Suckers

I'm completely lazy and unmotivated. As a result I spend my time and brain power thinking up ridiculous ways for me to avoid any kind of real work. One of my genius yet implausible ideas involves my extensive musical talents.

I was given a guitar as a present several birthdays ago and was told upon receiving it, "The guy at the store said this is the same one Garth Brooks uses." AWESOME OR WHAT?!?! Strangely, this was the third year in a row that sentence was said to me after I was given a gift.

For a long and arduous month in 2004, I learned to play the guitar. My fingers became marginally rough and slightly calloused from my half-assed attempt to become a musician. Intensive seven to eight minute practice sessions honed my skills.

And what did I have to show from all of this hard work? One song, the theme to Inspector Gadget. Actually it's really only the first 10 seconds. Although it becomes 20 with the speed at which I can fly through the fingering.

Now here is the idea. I take my musical gift and turn it into a stage show. I think this would work best if I was opening for a band, but I could also morph it into a stand alone kinda performance.

My name would be announced and I would walk out on stage with my guitar in front of thousands of screaming fans. I would take great care in adjusting the microphone and my stool so that I would have perfect position to rock the house. After a lengthy set up, I would break out with the Inspector Gadget song.

"Do da do da do do do do do do, Do da do da do DOO DOO."

Then I would stand up and walk off leaving the audience slackjawed and moist.

If you are in a band and can pay me copious amounts of money for this performance, please contact me before I have to wear a button down shirt at a real job.