Last week I posted a story about a local Wackjob. I have many of these stories so you will be seeing more of them. Wahey! How about right now!?!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!! EMPHASIS!!!!!I do not remember the day, nor the time, nor the reason I was there, but I was on the subway with my buddy Jeff. We were in the last car of this particular train so there weren't too many people in it. Only 6 or seven riders from what I remember.
It was a very normal ride. Everyone was staring at the ads and trying not to let the others notice when they were staring at eachother. Then it happened. It came from seemingly nowhere and without any warning.
The pungent stink of urine!
I have never smelled such a powerful piss odor before in my life which is saying a lot considering I live in New York City where the summer heat bakes the soiled sidewalks filling the air with the stench of hot pee. (That was almost poetic.)
It came on so hard and fast. The entire car was overtaken by the pee smell in a matter of seconds. How the hell does that even happen with pee? I didn't notice any recently formed puddles streaming across the floor or seats. Immediately Jeff and I reached for our noses and let out a simultaneous sound of, "UAAGHH!"
As we looked around in eye-watering confusion, we saw another man on the opposite side of the train reacting in similar fashion. Like us, his hand covered his nose and he groaned. However, unlike us, this man came prepared.
He reached into his jacketand pulled out a god damn can of Febreeze.
I gazed upon him in awe and wonder as he started spraying it all over the subway car. Quickly the yellow death stank was replaced by a sort of tangello sweetness or some weird girly shit like that. The 6 other people on the train began clapping and he took a bow. At the next stop Jeff and I got off and tried to tell the story to any drunk college girl who would listen.
It was a short night.
To this day the man remains a mystery to me.
Who was this super prepared dude? This Grown Up boy scout. This Man Scout!
Was he a total genius? or totally insane?
Why am I aroused after writing this?
I may never know...
6 comments:
The mystery man was probably an exec from Proctor & Gamble. He must've paid some homeless guy to pee in the car earlier in the day so that he could spray it with Febreeze and save the day. I bet you went out and bought a bottle a few days later didn't you.
I bet he was the one who peed everywhere and that's his little game...to make it look like it wasn't him pissing himself he brings a can of febreeze so everyone thinks he is odor patrol.
I think I might of peed my pants watching this whole thing though. wait...yah I just did.
Ahhh, the smell of Fepee. I know it well.
He could have been an overzealous Febreeze employee and peed on the subway just to freshen it, like that park ranger lady a few years ago that began a mass forest fire just to get the extra work.
Except this fool wasn't getting paid, so maybe he was just some kind of What About Bob clean freak.
What's wrong with peeing on the train? If you do it when the train is stopped, it makes a cool little puddle that hauls ass to the back of the train when it accelerates. Physics is phun!
I am always pleased when you guys leave comments way funnier than my post
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