Any Ladies For Chat?

Sometimes when I'm bored, which is all the time, I go on the internet and cruise chat rooms for hot babes to talk to. Meeting the chicks online isn't as easy as you would think. These days there is such a variety of men they can talk to like Indian men, Pakistani men, Indian men with their dicks on out on webcam, and me. You can see I don't stand a chance.

One day I was one of my regular chat rooms, NYC BBWs for Depressed Douchebags, feebly attempting to garner the attention of the girthy angels, when I received an IM from someone under the name chocolatethunderpants69.

They said to me, "Hey pal. It's me. Pat Sajak. I notice you are having some trouble attracting the bitches in there. Here's how you solve the puzzle. You gotta spice up your game playa. Give them a reason to talk to you. Show them what a stone cold gas you are. Now I gotta go. Someone in the German room is about to ask me to buy a Bowel."

Thanks to this sage-like advice I developed a technique which has scored me countless moments of masturbatory textual bliss. It's called the Any ladies for chat method. It allows me the freedom and creativity to show these cyber vixens what I gots. And it goes a little something like this...

Any ladies for chat? My third nipple can receive free satellite radio broadcasts.
Any ladies for chat? I once kicked out of Hulk Hogan's leg drop.
Any ladies for chat? For one glorious summer I worked as Oprah's official Beef Shoveler.
Any ladies for chat? I can count to 10 in Kling-On
Any ladies for chat? I was the first person in my neighborhood to beat Super Mario Brothers 3
Any ladies for chat? In Austria I am known as Baron Von Pantsshitter
Any ladies for chat? I look like a pump, but I feel like a sneaker.
Any ladies for chat? I am the current New York State Puddle Jumping champion.
Any ladies for chat? I once got busy in a Burger King Bathroom.
Any ladies for chat? I once got trapped in MC Hammer's pants foran undetermined amount of time, but when I emerged all of my pets were dead and my little brother was now older than me.
Any ladies for chat? I have every episode of Small Wonder on tape.
Any ladies for chat? I have had a long running mail correspondance with Dolph Lundgren.
Any ladies for chat? My mom says I'm ok lookin.
Any ladies for chat? I have my own blog where I talk about my penis way too much.
Any ladies for chat? I have no idea why I made this post.