So I'm having an excellent dream the other night. Some of the details are hazy now, but I was attending what seemed to be High School. I'm pretty sure I was a real student and this wasn't another one of my 21 Jumpstreet fantasies where I am a police officer who gets sent undercover in schools because of my boyish good looks.
I remember walking out of the building with this cute skinny girl with dark blonde hair in a bob. This is another reason I know it was me back in High School. It was friggin bob city back then. I can not express fully how much I dig bob cuts.
She very nervously began talking to me. She stuttered and stammered in the most adorable way as she tried to ask me out. Being the smooth ass cat that I am in my dreams, I put my hands on the side of her face and kissed her with extreme prejudice. Her body immediately surged towards me and we started making out to the max!
I fell back on my ass on a patch of grass right next to the wall of the school. All of a sudden this girl who was nervous as hell, was now trying to suck out my spleen through my mouth. I, of course, got a full boner as soon as she was within 2 feet of me. Instead of freaking out or laughing at it like in real life, she started pushing her loins against it under her wonderful sundress! Oh yes. I was about to have dream sex!
I was going full bore towards penetrating this young lady when out of the corner of my eye I saw someone walking past us. Normally I wouldn't have even noticed this if not for who it was.
Fucking Captain America
There was absolutely no reason for him to be there. Last time I checked he doesn't live near me or teach High School math, yet there he was. A symbol of our country standing there in his costume, holding his big star spangled shield and staring at me dry humping a girl.
I don't know if you've ever tried to have sex while Captain America is staring at you in a very disappointed manner, but it's fucking difficult. He wouldn't leave! He just stood there like a big red white and blue asshole shaming me into waking up.
So fuck you Captain Cockblock and everything you stand for!!!
I'm moving to Nigeria.
10 comments:
Maybe Captain America wanted to coax you and your dream lover into a wacky threesome? Can you imagine how that shield would compliment your dream lover's bob haircut mid-coitus? There's something aesthetically pleasing about the image, anyway.
I totally love bob cuts, too!
THIS BRILLIANT COMMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY JOSEPH MASSEY
www.livejournal.com/users/rootedfool
!!!!!!!!!!
Well. Clearly the woman in question was Diamondback. And Captain America don't let nobody make him no fool.
"Captain Cockblock"
that's just too hilarious.
PS - it took me 20 min to read this post because I couldn't stop giggling at Van Damme shaking his moneymaker.
Is it weird that I was a bit turned on by this story?
He probably just wanted to make sure you were wearing a condom. Capt. America isn't the only one who needs a shield you know.
lol...oddly enough, I know who the girl is--tell me she was wearing a sundress with little white daisies? wink wink Damn good bit of writing.
I think he was just jealous. I mean, c'mon, what does Captain America have that you don't? I mean besides super strength, speed, agility and patriotism.
Hmmmph.
Well, at least his costume is totally gay.
iloved that show.
Next time I see a guy doing that or messing up a guy's game..I'm totally going to say "Hey, who are you Capt. America?" and I think it will really catch on with the kids.
I had a dream with Cap'n America in it once, he was wearing a yellow outfit with swastika's on it and he was huge! he ran down the street and was AWESOME...yet bad.
Are you sure your Cap'n Mer'ca wasnt the same guy?
Post a Comment